Going the Other Way

I'm an Old Man...

2009-02-06T09:20:00.000-08:00

I realize that I have been terribly, terribly negligent in posting as of late and for that I apologize to my one (?) reader profusely... Truth is, there has not been much to write about. I mean, after the cowboy up and "died" on me, what else of interest could there be. CERTAINLY no man on the horizon after the last fiasco.

However, I am turning 40 next week. 40. Wow. I am not as disturbed by it as many of my friends have been. I look on 4 decades as an opportunity rather than a liability. I am in far better shape than I was at 30. I feel better. I feel better about myself after coming out. So I am looking forward to this next decade with optimism.

On the more immediate front... I am going to Philadelphia and New York for my birthday! I am leaving bright and early Sunday morning for Philly where I will be staying with one of my best friends for about 4 days. Not sure yet what I am going to do while he is working everyday, but since I have the car, the whole world is mine in which to find trouble. I know I want to go to the art museum for starters. And explore every gay bar in town. But that might not be eventful in the daytime as it would be at night...

Thursday of next week, I will be getting on the train to New York where another friend will be meeting me. My friend in Philly will come up that evening as he will be working all day. I loves me some New York. Not sure of everything we are going to do there, but I just know I can't wait. New York is my favorite city and I just love the feeling of being there. And its on my birthday too.

I will post pics from the trip upon my return. Who knows, maybe I will find a hot man for my 40th. Do I have any takers??? C'mon, it's my birthday peeps! C'mon CB! Your're the one! Maybe the bois can be like candles, one for every year... Now, THERE'S a thought!

Goodbye '08...

2008-12-31T07:43:00.001-08:00

It is now the last day of the year. As I sit and write this, I honestly do not know where it went. It really seems just like yesterday when I was at my favorite hangout, Mollie Fontaine Lounge (as I will be tonite), ringing in 2008. I even remember conversations from that night. I'm not a big resolution person, so I am not going to try to make a lot of promises to myself that I wont follow thru on - though I am going to try very hard to do a few things.

First I want to be in better shape and a little thinner than I am now. I will be turning 40 in February and I am actually looking forward to it. I am in a better place in my life now than I ever have been now that I have come to grips with who I am and had some time to become comfortable with it and I am very happy about that. The other thing is I am going to try to swear off men, for I find that they are pigs and I certainly don't need one. I want to try to be happy with who I am rather than to find a man to complete me. Now don't get me wrong...things will still be taken care of. But I will not looking for a permanent man.

All that said, I hope all of you out there has the happiest of New Year's and stay SAFE!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-22T07:32:00.000-08:00

Thank you all for your kind words. Last week was kind of hard but I got thru it. I went out Saturday night with several of my close friends and I was the laughingstock as I figured I would be. One of my friends commented that that group is like a school of sharks...smell blood in the water and thats it. Oddly enough, they really do love me and I am thankful for that. I guess the worst of it is over.

If I don't post again before the holiday, I want to wish everyone a very happy Christmas and safe New Year. See yall in 2009!

A Fiasco For the Ages...

2008-12-18T12:33:00.000-08:00

Hello dear readers… Have I got a story for you. First, it imperative that you read the post below this in order to get the full effect. As you know, I met someone and was cautiously optimistic about the whole thing. Well… to fill in the gaps… about a week after meeting dude, we decided he was to come into town to visit me (he lives in Tupelo, MS). That weekend I did not hear anything at all – nothing – he just did not show. I called and called and got no answer. I left numerous messages and finally decided that I had been unceremoniously dumped. Come Monday of the next week, I sent him a somewhat nasty email saying that if he didn’t want to come see me he could have just said so – that I was a big boy, I can deal with it. I get an email right back saying that his mother died (I knew she had a heart attack the previous week) and that he texted me. Well hell. I don’t have texting on my phone. I felt like dirt. He said he did not want to miss the opportunity to get to know me.

So we talk on the phone and chat quite a bit for the next two weeks. His brothers from Chicago apparently came down for the funeral and expressed their desire to contest the will if they didn’t get enough. The will was read and they did not get anywhere close to what they wanted and proceeded to contest. They all went to court (which I thought was real quick, but it’s a small town so I figured things moved faster). Anyhoo – they went to court and the judge ruled that everything must be sold and split 3 ways amongst the brothers against the mother’s wishes. My guy told his brothers off on the courthouse steps and said he never wanted to see them again. We talked quite a bit after that and he said he couldn’t wait to come to Memphis and just hold me. (TOTALLY falling for this guy). I knew he had been thru a lot. So the plan was this past weekend he was to come to Memphis and stay at a hotel here. This was to be purely for discretionary purposes as he would actually be staying with me for most of the weekend. Also, I work a part-time job I could not get away from. I had the whole weekend planned out – where we were going to eat and what clubs were going to – all that. So Friday morning I get this call at 9:15 am saying he is on his way, just leaving Tupelo and that he plans to go to one of our God-awful malls and shop and get to the hotel around 1. I was going to take off at 2 and go directly to his hotel (for what I have concluded was the best sex of my entire life). I call at 2 and get no answer. I figure he is not in from shopping. Still no answer an hour later. And the next hour and the next. So I call the hotel figuring that he just went to sleep or something. He had not checked in nor was there a reservation in his name.

I was devastated. He simply NEVER showed. I had fallen for this guy only to be stood up. Now I will say I have the BEST friends in the WORLD as they took care of me all weekend. I cried, plotted revenge, etc, etc… My friends forbade me from every contacting Dickweed again.

So I make it thru the weekend – still no word from him. In the back of my mind, I had this notion that I would hear something from him and he would have an excuse. This past Tuesday, I got an email from him. Rather than attempting to describe what was said, I simply copied it and submit it for your consideration.

Please read:

To Whom it may concern,

I am emailing my uncles friends on line.. He was in a car accident on Friday in memphis. which later he died from the injuries he substained in the accident..
We will miss him and he always said to me that if anything would happen to him I was to send his friends this email..
He touched so many lives..
We know that he's with his mother which we lost her 2 weeks ago..

God Bless .........

Keep in mind that this is uncorrected – this is exactly what he wrote. HE TRIED TO FAKE HIS OWN DEATH!!!! WTF!!?!?!?!? After having read so many of his emails, this is UNMISTAKABLY him. Does he really think that I am this STUPID to read this and believe that he is dead??? NO ONE writes something like this. If I hadn’t fallen for the Dickweed, this would have actually been funny. Why could’nt he have said that he just didn’t want to come see me. I’m a big boy – I could have handled it…

To continue… he had sent me a picture in which he named the jpg attachment. A friend googled this and discovered him on several gay sex cites. I White-paged him and he does not live in Tupelo. The sex cite gels with what I found out. He has a partner and LOVES to play. He may even be something of a hustler that preys on people. And here I was falling for him. WOW. I sure can pick them. So not only am I hurting, but I have to be humiliated to my friends who cannot say anything more sympathetic than I finally bored someone to death. Another friend said that I must be pretty bad if someone has to fake their own death to avoid spending the weekend with me. They all think it is funny – I do not. It is horrible to trust someone and have them shit on you. I guess I will never learn. I think I have finally decided to just stick to sex. It is simply much easier. I should have never thought I could have acutally found someone. I just don't believe it is possible.

MAN UPDATE

2008-12-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

Just enough time for a quick update. The Boy is coming in town for the weekend and in short, I am smitten. Don't ask for rhyme or reason. There aint none here. I am falling for this one and it scares me to death. I have not totally fallen as I don't really know him and that would be stupid. But I have fallen head over heels in like. Or is it lust? Hmmmmm...... I am very much looking forward to getting to know him. His mother just died, so that precluded any trip to the great crime-ridden city of Memphis this past weekend. I will know more after this weekend. To think that this time last year I was crying over my best friend (for whom I had also fallen at the time) because he was moving to this. WOW! I would have laughed between my sniffles if you had said this would have happened.

Now - I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I tend to be something of a freak magnet. There has got to be a freak in there somewhere. There has to be. Otherwise why would he be attracted to me. A good friend has offered to "vet" my dates for me. So the Boy will summarily be sacrificed for the greater good (mine). I just all of a sudden "see" someone I simply must talk to and off I go and he will get the gentle yet probing third degree. If David can't draw it out of him it must not be there. I will know more this weekend... I will keep you posted. And if you believe in any sort of deity -- please pray this one works out...

I Think I Found Someone...maybe.

2008-11-21T06:51:00.000-08:00

Yes, dear readers, you read it right. After the last boy that I thought was great just left me out in the cold, I swore off men. Just like that. I was thru. Until Friday. I was at my local watering hole, the aptly named Pumping Station, when I met this guy. He was on his way out as I was coming in. I found a couple of friends and spoke to them and we made eye contact (and let me just say he is very easy on the eyes). He walked out back to the patio and I went right behind him. He later told me that he wanted to see if I was interested too and if I didn't walk to the patio, that he was out of there. Well I did and I am very glad that I did.

The boy lives in Tupelo, Mississippi, which for those of you un-Southern individuals, is a little town almost 2 hours south of Memphis in the middle of nowhere -- I mean, Mississippi. We have chatted quite a bit on the phone and emailed as well and so far, I really like what I know. Of course, I don't really know him after just meeting him, but I am really looking forward to finding out who he is.

Now don't get me wrong. I have learned numerous lessons from my freak-dating in the recent past. As I wait for the other shoe to fall, I am going to have this one stamped and verified. I want to know if he has a criminal record and, after Mr. Non-Neurosurgen this summer, I want to see tax records (or at the very least a W-2) as proof of employment. I wish there was a way I could determine if there are any psychological issues...hmmmmmmm.

I don't want to jinx it, but I am a freak-magnet. But I do think it is odd that the right after I swear off men that this one comes along. So far, he has pushed all the right buttons - and that is something that none of the others that I have gone out with have managed to do. We shall see what we shall see. Wish me luck and I will keep you posted...

Disappointed...

2008-11-11T08:01:00.000-08:00

I am officially disgusted with the creature called the gay man. The short version. I had kinda sorta been seeing this guy as of late. I'm really into this guy. I even dared to believe he might be ... (gasp)... different. Well, he's NOT. We had been seeing each other for about a month and a half. We would hang out and he liked to make out like a fiend in the car or pretty much anywhere else. So I go off to Florida on my little vacation and I call him when I get there. No response that week at all. Then when I return to Memphis, I call to let him know I got back. Still no response. I email asking what is up. He emails me back saying that he has been busy yada, yada, yada and that I did nothing wrong, its just him (bleck). Two of my good friends said to simply walk away. I showed the email to a third friend and she said that he just wasn't that into me. Well, okey dokey. I wish he had let me know that before spending a month and a half with me and making out with me every chance he got.

I saw him this past weekend at Mollie Fontaine's and he came up to me and hugged me and asked how I was. I said fine and walked off. Now comes the interesting part. I have discovered that he is FaceBook friends with another guy I know. So I asked my friend how he knows dude and he denies knowing him. Hmmm... Ok. My feeling is since they are friends on FaceBook, someone had to initiate the be-friending and someone had to accept. Two actions - not an accident. So I ask the other guy how he knew him and he, also, denied knowing him. Two denials. YET THEY ARE FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK. I have this gut feeling that they went "bump" in the night one time and are both trying to forget it ever happened OR they still see each other occasionally. At least be honest about it.

I swear I have gotten to the point where I trust no one. No one is what they appear. I think I will just stick to sex. It's easier. Speaking of...I want these boys... now. Ok, dear readers - what is your opinion of the situation?

I'm BAAACK!!!!!!

2008-10-31T07:38:00.000-07:00

Well kids, I'm BACK!!! Florida was wonderful. I only stayed a week this time as I had to dogsit one of my best friends creatures (Golden Retrievers) and I wanted to be back by Halloween. Lots of fun. The weather was about half good. It rained cats and dogs for a couple of days I was there. Then there was a couple of sunny days and then it turned cold. My ass can go on a beach just about anytime - EXCEPT when it is 50 degrees out. Brrr... I went to a couple of boy bars and realized how much I missed Memphis in that aspect...

I had some really good visits with some friends. The most special time was when my friend Jack saw me and said "welcome home". That's when I realized that Sarasota is just as much home for me as Memphis is. I may not have as many friends there but what I lack in quantity, I make up for in quality.

Tonite I am going to my neighbors house for trick or treating and wine drinking. I have never stayed in my hood for Halloween. As it turns out, Halloween is the anniversary of my heart attack. That was 14 years ago today. It has only been in the past couple of years that I have gotten back in the spirit of Halloween and in a lot of ways it is exciting. I am going as the biker from the Village People. We'll see if I am the laughing stock.

Check out the pics that I took... all taken by me except for the hot boys, which I wish I could take... :-)

Life is Sweet!

2008-10-20T12:44:00.000-07:00

It's that time again! Time to go sit my fat, happy ass on a beach in Florida for a week. I use that term "fat" loosely and advisedly, as I am returning to the Sunshine State about 20 pounds lighter than when I was last there. Can't WAIT to see all my peeps down there. I will post some pics when I return for the one or two readers that still drop by. I am going to work on being a better poster. I'll try hard, but I can't be CB... Now if I can just find me a big hunk of man-meat like these boys, then life will truly be excellent...

Later Peeps --

Much Ado About Nothing...

2008-10-09T12:23:00.000-07:00

Due to the lack of what we in Memphis so quaintly call "baby-daddy-mamma-drama" in my life, I submit a meme for your consideration. (I am SUCH the sucker for these things)

---

What's going on between you and the last person you kissed?
Not sure because I can’t remember who I kissed last…that sounds TOTALLY slutty, I know.

What was your worst mistake in your life?
Not going to law school OR taking this job – take your pick…

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you?
Don’t really have an ex…

Name 3 thoughts you have at this exact moment?
(a) I’m HUNGRY
(b) Looking forward to exercise class tonite
(c) It SUCKS to be poor

What's something you really want right now, be honest?
If I will ever have someone fall in love with me at the same time I fall for them and if I will ever be more than a pauper.

Three feelings at the moment?
(a) hunger
(b) discontentment
(c) boredom

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
... as in want to puke b/c nervous? – oddly, I can’t recall one at the moment –I have tried
... as in love / crush? – to protect the guilty, we wont go there.

Does anything hurt on your body?
My knees (get your mind out of the gutter, bitches)

What are you listening to right now?
not much - -it’s actually kind of quiet here at work…oh, wait – my STUPID co-worker just came in. Now I will be listening to her talk ENDLESSLY without actually saying anything.

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
Not a hole, but close enough

Where were you at 2:00 this morning?
Safe in my bed asleep…alone

Who did you copy this from?
Jason L.

When was the last time you saw them?
Early summer I believe.

How well do you know them?
More socially than anything else

Where’s the weirdest place you've changed clothes?
Back of a van.

Do you wear glasses? No

Who do you love?
Right now, just me; friends, family.

What's the cd in your player?
some old jazz

Anything annoying you right now?
I think a better question would be – what is not annoying me right now?

Anybody you're looking forward to seeing soon?
My aunt and friends when I go to Florida in a couple of weeks

Is there a friend particularly that you miss?
A dear friend that in town this weekend and went back to Philly.

What is your underwear color?
Light blue boxers.

Anywhere you'd rather be right now?
Please…just point to anywhere in the US…

Are you going anywhere for the next summer?
Probably my usual Florida trips.

Do you have plans today?
Exercise class tonite followed by a drink at Mollie Fontaine’s

Last kiss mean anything?
Just good ol fun

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
Sadly, probably Stein-Mart (it’s a dress shirt for work – I have better taste than this … really)

What are your chances of getting with your crush?
Don’t really have a crush right now…

When was the last time you were told you were amazing?
Hmmm… let me get back to you on this one…

Does anyone love you?
Actually, I think so…

Do you have many friends?
Yes, and I'm grateful for them all.

What girl/boy can you tell everything to?
Marshall, Lisa and Cindie

Do you dance in the car?
Yeah, I do… J

******** Part Deux*****************
Do you have any big plans for November?
Thanksgiving at Lisa’s house
Being off for the holidays
Enjoying the fall

What upcoming event are you most looking forward to?
My 40th birthday – I plan to go to Philly and New York

What was the last song you heard?
”Walking on Broken Glass”

What time did you wake up today?
6am

What does your last incoming text say?
I do not text.

Is there a vase in the room you're in?
Somewhere, but it does NOTHING for this dump I in which I find myself…

Have you recently been insulted?
Not that I can recall…

Are there people you feel more connected to than others?
Yes, absolutely.

Are you more like your mother or your father?
Both actually – I have the good qualities of both, but my dad likes to say that I have my Mom’s WORST characteristics, which reallllly pisses me off.

Describe the pants you are wearing:
Flat-front khakis

Are any of your myspace pictures alcohol related?
Are you kidding?

What were you most recently happy about?
I had a wonderful walk at lunch…

Are you a fan of cake?
All kinds – but in particular strawberry and carrot cake

Are you shy?
I actually am in some situations.

Do you like music?
Absolutely! It is a reflection of the soul…

When was the last time you stepped in a church?
Sunday

Have you ever seen the movie Little Miss Sunshine?
LOVED it!!

Ever been snow-mobiling?
Nope

Ever played lazer tag?
Yep!

Ever been in a car wreck?
Yep! AND the fucktard left the scene!

Favorite fruit?
Oranges

Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day?
Beer

What was the weather like today?
Sunny and cool

Last thing you drank?
Water

Who was your FIRST prom date?
Chris Rodgers

Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
Sure do.

What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
Beer

Where was your FIRST job?
Chic-fil-A. Still love there food…

What was your FIRST car?
1979 Datsun hatchback, beige.

Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
Again – do not text

Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
Whatever idiot that was on the morning news.

Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
Mrs. Holt

Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
Don’t remember… I was so young…

Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them?
Mike, from childhood… and no.

What was your FIRST sport played?
It should read “first and only” – soccer. I don’t like to get sweaty. Actually, I do, but…

Where was your FIRST sleep over?
My house, I think

Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
My mom

Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
My aunt Janet’s when I was 4yrs old

What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
Peed. Well, you asked…

**********Part Trois*******

Whose birthday is coming up?
Amy’s

Last time someone has given you butterflies?
About two weeks ago.

Do you have nice eyes?
I sure do.

What is something you need to go shopping for?
New fall clothes

Were you happy when you woke up?
I was grumpy.

What song are you listening to?
Some classical piece on Public Radio

When was the last time you smiled?
Little bit ago

What woke you up this morning?
My stupid alarm clock.

Is your Myspace profile private?
it is.

What color is your toothbrush?
Green and white

Whats the last thing you purchased?
A really cool shirt on eBay.

Favorite clothing store?
Wow, it depends.The Buckle, Lansky, Lux, Tommy Bahama, Baer's Den

What is the reason behind your MySpace song?
I have old TV themes on my MySpace. Harkens back to a better time…

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Nope.

Have you ever played an instrument?
I butchered the trumpet when I was younger.

What were you doing last night at 11?
Had dinner with a dear friend and was getting ready for bed.

Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
Not at all

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with J?
Hell yeah.

What’s the strangest thing you have heard today?
Something my coworker was saying about a donkey being shot killed in Jackson, Tennessee because it rammed a police car and the tranquilizers didn’t work. I mean. WTF???

Name some people that made you laugh yesterday:
Teresa and Marshall

How late did you stay up last night and why?
until about 11pm – went to bed as soon as I came home

What was the last thing you ate?
Half of a turkey sandwich

Have you ever made out in a public bathroom stall?
yep

Do you get distracted easily?
Sometimes

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Brushed my teeth

Are you jealous of someone?
Only those with more money than me.

Have you ever gone out with someone cause you felt sorry for them?
I have never given a pity date before, and I'm sure I've probably gotten one or two before as well.

Would you rather go camping or to a five star hotel?
A five star…Why, you buying???

Who do you blame for your bad mood today?
My STUPID co-worker who has Head-Up-Ass Syndrome.

What is your current mood?
bleck

Ever had a surprise birthday party?
Actually, no

Do you prefer to take showers in the morning or night?
Anytime, or both

Last time you told someone you loved them?
Couple of days ago when my friend went home.

I'm a Pissy Bitch...

2008-10-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

I have officially HAD it with people. I have discovered that I just plain don't like them. Just now, I was in the breakroom talking with a coworker. We were the only ones in there, so I was speaking in a normal tone of voice. Some goofturd intern walks in and goes to the snack machine to get something that will make him even fatter. So, not wanting the whole world to know of what I was speaking, I lower my voice. My friend does the same. After we conclude the conversation, we are giggling and walking off. Goofturd proceeds to inform us that "its not polite to whisper, people". WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!? Who in the FUCK does he think he is?!?!?!? I was not speaking to him because I do not nor do I ever want to know this little fucktard with Head Up Ass Syndrome. God Almighty.

Not to mention that I cannot STAND bad drivers. I seem to have encountered EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IN MEMPHIS today. And I have not even gone home yet where I am sure I will encounter more of these boils on the butt of humanity. I have been pissy all day over stupid people, but the intern just took the cake. I just need to breathe deeply ... and get laid...preferably by one of these. Yeah, that would make me feel better...

I'm A Happy Bitch...

2008-10-03T07:51:00.001-07:00

Well, not too terribly much to report new in my life...except that I have lost another 2 pounds! That brings my grand total to 18 so far. I am hoping to loose at least another 10 if I can. I have been lifting weights like a fiend, so my actual weight may not go down that far.

On other fronts...so looking forward to this weekend. My bestest friend is coming in town from Philly and I can't wait to see him tonight. I have this feeling there are going to be a couple of late nights clubbing and drinking for us drunks.

Also, we in the great city of Memphis (not) will have a big art and craft fair that hopefully I can go to on Sunday (if I am not too tired from partying). That's about it folks. Told you...nothing too exciting.

PISSED as HELL!

2008-09-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

It's official. I'm taking on Big Oil. Just you sit down a minute and let me tell you what happened to me. Two Monday nights ago, I was visiting my parents for dinner in Bartlett, Tennessee (a small city almost completely surrounded my the wretched city of Memphis). Anyzort, I needed to get gas for the car and my mom told me to go to Citgo (since they have the cheapest gas around) and put money on a gift card. If you do this and use the gift card at the pump, you get an additional .03 or more off the price of the gas. So she lent me her card and I hauled ass up there and put some money on her card and got gas. Then (idiot me) went back in the store and said I would like one of those cards. Dude said he couldn't just give me one - that I would have to put some money on it. I gave him a 20 and he gave me the card. I figured that since I just filled up, that I could wait till the next Monday (the 22nd) and use the card.

Well, Monday rolls around, I go to Citgo and try (note I said try) to use said card. The attendant tells me the card is empty, which is impossible since I HAVEN'T USED IT. So Dickweed tells me, very curtly, to call the manager. Poor little Dickweed... he has no idea who he is fucking with and how far I can take things. So I think there is maybe ONE chance that there was a mistake. Perhaps I have given the wrong card to my mom. I go back to their house and she pulls out her card, which she has not used. I call the 800 number on the back and it says both cards have a 0 balance. I'm good and pissed now as I have lost $20.00. I figure either they are going to refund my $20.00 or I am going to take at least $20.00 of their time and effort. So, the next day, I call the 800 number and they ... wait for it... tell me that both cards have been used previously. Again I try to explain to Dickweed's brother Dickwad that that was not possible. Dickwad said that I was given a used card!!!! I wanted to know how in FUCKING HELL it was used when I saw Dickweed pick it up off the stack and break the attachment off and run it. It was NOT a reloaded card. He maintained that it was. Dickwad said they will do some sort of "investigation" and they will get back with me in 7-10 bidness days. I am SOOOO far from being satisfied.

Then I ask for the number of the Regional Manager for Citgo, who was actually very nice. He contacted the local manager who promised to go thru all the register tapes. This was yesterday. As I am typing this - at this moment - I just got a call from the local manager. She says that she can only find one card on the tapes and nothing on the other one. I'm thinking the card didn't take when Dickweed swiped it. She claims up and down that that can't POSSIBLY be the case. AND GET THIS! She says that perhaps my mom got the card with the $20.00 on it and THREW IT AWAY BY MISTAKE. She does not know my mother. Mistakes are something my mother never makes. So as of now, I have been screwed out of my money by the big oil company. For the record, I will NEVER step foot in another Citgo in my natural lifetime. And beware... if some Dickweed or Dickwad says to put money down on a "gift" card...DON'T. The only "gift" you will get is screwed (without the benefit of lubricant). Now, I just need to relax and think about what it would be like to run my tongue all over the chests of these hot boys...

I'm On My Way to Being a Skinny Bitch!!!

2008-09-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

I am so fucking proud of myself!!!!!!! Last night I went to exercise class and weighed myself for the first time in two weeks. Since starting the SugarBusters diet on August 11th, I have lost a total of 16 pounds!!! YAY ME!! AND it has been relatively painless. When I went to the doctor a couple of months ago, I weighed 197. That was the most I have ever weighed in my life. Now I am down to 181! I am a total fan of SugarBusters. Most of it is common sense. Essentially you can't eat anything with sugar in it as sugar is the devil. I thought that this task would be nearly impossible and if, in fact, possible then damn restrictive. Neither has proven to be true. The truth is that the things that you can't eat are very few. They essentially want you to eat foods in their pure form and not processed -- foods that are low to middle on the glycemic index. The glycemic index measures how fast foods turn into sugar once you ingest them. How fast they turn into sugar depends on the insulin release which is directly correlated to weight gain. And I would not call this a low-carb diet as I am eating bread at every meal. It was hard to find a whole grain bread that didn't have sugar as one of the top three ingredients, but I did (Nature's Own 7 Grain) -- and it was actually quite good. Of course, I did have to give up beer. Sadly, beer is what got me in the shape (so to speak) that I am in now. BUT I have been drinking wine - red and white. And since I love wine, this is not a problem. Now if the diet had said no drinking at all, I think I would have to kill myself. Like most people I know, alcohol is the glue that holds my universe together... OH -- AND I get to eat chocolate - dark chocolate which I LOVE. The book has a list of super foods that they say we are supposed to eat whenever we can. It includes things that are very beneficial in terms of fatty acids and antioxidants - mostly common sense stuff - and dark chocolate with more than 60% cocoa is one of them. So that satisfies my sweet tooth. There is NOTHING IN THE WORLD, (except sex) more satisfying than having red wine and dark chocolate together. Oh, the flavor. But I digresseth...

They are also real big on portion control. If you think about it, we Americans eat so freaking MUCH. Since I have started watching the amount of food I eat, I find that it takes less to make me feel full. And I eat several little meals all day long to keep the metabolism going (mine, in particular, is painfully slow and needs its worthless ass whipped into shape -- that sounds dirty - heehee). Add to that I have been working out at a Group Fitness program called Group Power. It is a one hour long barbell class that works each of the major muscle groups. I am actually getting thinner and gaining muscle, something I have never done in my entire life. And I cannot tell you how much better I feel, both physically and emotionally. People can tell you all day long you look like you have lost weight, but nothing compares to the feeling of going up a belt notch or buying a shirt a size down from what you normally wear. Someone should put that feeling in pill form and we would solve America's crack problem. Anyhoo -- that's the latest with me. I'll keep you posted. One of these days, I am going to look like these bois...

Hat, sir...

2008-09-12T09:18:00.000-07:00

The funniest thing happened to me last night. I went up to my favorite gay haunt, Mollie Fontaine Lounge. I went early to visit my bartender friend at the bar and we chatted it UP and discovered that we are about to be neighbors. A really good friend of mine came in after he went to the Outflix movie (annual gay film festival here in Baghdad on the Bluff). So we were upstairs drinking and making merry when the DJ, Steve Anne, shows up to start spinning the tunes. He comes in with some guy wearing a grey fedora hat.

Charlie makes the comment that he doesn't like those hats and that he wishes people wouldn't wear them anymore, especially kids these days. I took umbrage and said I really like them. He said they were stupid looking. I asked the guy if I could see his hat for a second. There was someone right behind me so him being tall and all he just leaned over and put it on my head. I told Charlie see, hats are cool and that I can wear a hat well and that he probably could too because he has a good hat head. He pronounced it was "acceptable". I returned the hat and went back to drinking. As I was leaving, the guard was walking me to my car and said isn't that cool that Steve Anne brought in the lead singer of the B52s, Fred Schneider. Said he was wearing the funky hat. I almost shat myself. That is so like me...to have a brush with greatness and not even know it. Le sigh...

UnAmerican Family Association

2008-09-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

You wanna hear something scary? Awhile back, in my Yahoo inbox, I got this "update" from the American Family Association. For those of you out there that are unaware of this insidious organization and its activities, humor me and read the following from Wikipedia

The AFA defines itself as "a Christian organization promoting the biblical ethic of decency in American society with primary emphasis on TV and other media" It pursues its views and other issues through a number of activism efforts, including boycotts, "action alert" e-mails, publications on the AFA's web sites or in the AFA Journal, broadcasts on American Family Radio, and lobbying. The legal efforts previously promoted by the AFA Center for Law and Policy were eliminated in 2007. Chief among its efforts were the recognition of Christmas in seasonal print advertisements; the criminalization of homosexuality; lobbying against same-sex marriage, and in opposition of equal-rights and hate-crime legislation that would include sexual orientation and gender identity under categories already protected and advocating censorship of print and electronic media.

The organization has an annual budget of roughly US$14 million and owns 180 American Family Radio stations in 28 states.

The AFA has boycotted multiple organizations for various reasons, most often relating to Christmas controversies, pornography, support of pro-choice activism, and support of LGBT activism, including same-sex partner employee benefits. These organizations include: 7-Eleven, Abercrombie & Fitch, American Airlines, American Girl, Blockbuster Video, Burger King, Calvin Klein, Carl's Jr., Clorox, Crest, Ford, Kmart, Kraft Foods, S. C. Johnson & Son, Movie Gallery, Microsoft, MTV, Mary Kay, NutriSystem, Old Navy, IKEA, Sears, Pampers, Procter & Gamble, Target, Tide, and Walt Disney Company.

The reason I was getting updates is because a small-minded acquaintance, whom I can't remember at the moment, sent me their "call-to-action" as it were back some time ago, assuming that I was as small-minded as they were and would act accordingly. Since I was basically unfamiliar with the organization, I did a little research and found that they essentially hate gay people. No other words for it -- plain ol hate. Lets not sugar coat it and call a spade a spade. The call-to-action was to use their site to email some company and tell them how disgusted I was that they supported same-sex benefits. Naturally, this pissed me off royally. So I did exactly what they asked me too. I pulled up, on the AFA site mind you, the link to email and proceeded to tell the company how PROUD I was of them for offering same-sex benefits and how I was NOT going to boycott them and that I do not support the AFA and its hate-filled values. I hope they actually read the email and didn't delete it when they saw it came from the AFA site. I certainly wouldn't blame them if they did, but I can't do anything about that. So I got to thinking, what better way to undermine these idiots than to use their website against them? I continue to get updates, they continue piss me off, but they also make me realize that I can do something, even on the smallest of levels - like sending an email of support - to make a change for the better.

I Am FREAKING in LOVE !!!!!!!

2008-09-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

And that husband of hers is is soooo cute...

Not to mention that SMOKING hot hockey playing boyfriend... I could get sweaty with him NO PROBLEM. WOOF!!

Memphis Hurricane Names

2008-09-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

What with all the goings on in Gulf with Gustav and three more storms in the Atlantic, I thought it would be nice to come up with a list of next season's storms based on some names I have come across in my fine town of Memphis, Tennessee.

These names are from people I have either actually met - I. SHIT. YOU. NOT. - or have come across my desk during the course of my lowly (and I do mean low)underpaid, unfulfilling McJob (note I did not say career) somewhere deep within the bowels of the local criminal justice industry. So without further ado, I submit for your consideration next year's line-up.

A - Andrewlicious
B - Bodelfonderic
C - Colostomus
D - De'Latuara'Kisha'Brinae'Nae
E - Excellence
F - Fornicatra
G - Genetarial
H - HuggiesUltra
I - Isreel
J - Ja'LeyaShe'bre
K - Kook

L - Larcenee
M - Melromeo
N - Nimrod
O - Optimym
P - PizzaLee
Q - Queenlordajesus
R - Rickishae
S - Shatsarly
T - Tampaxia
U - Untrueness
V - Velveeta
W - Willyvonne
X - Xzalhia
Y - Yawstaire
Z - Zankiyya

Let the comments roll...

Did I Say That???

2008-08-21T07:51:00.000-07:00

In light of the fact that there is nothing terribly interesting going on in my life at the moment, and since the Olympics are the center of everyone's attention, I offer these Olympic-sized slips-of-the-tongue for your amusement.

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Olympics - that they would like to take back:

1. Weight-lifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'

2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother and father.'

4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some
deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'

5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we
can expect the same thing again.'

6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the
IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'

8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've
got eleven Dicks on the field.'

9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'

Simply the BEST...

2008-08-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

I love this man. He is unstoppable. I have rarely felt such pride as I have when watching him accept his medals so humbly. Seeing the way he loves his family and his team...WOW. He has truly done the United States proud. And I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers in it... I'm just sayin'...

My 15 Minutes...

2008-08-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

Ok -- I have to tell on myself now (and brag a little)... A couple of months ago, Instinct Magazine came thru Memphis to do a feature on the gay scene here in teeming metropolis we know as Memphis. They interviewed a large group of people at one of my favorite hang outs - Mollie Fontaine Lounge. Long story short - I made the cut!! YAY, ME!! I never thought in a bazillion years I would have been picked. Page 33 -- look for the fat, old, bald guy... All things considered, the picture wasn't as bad as it could be... Look for the August issues(pictured here)...If I look ridiculous - I don't want to know.

Paula Deen Has Done Had Her Way With Me...

2008-08-05T07:56:00.000-07:00

First of all, Kelly Stern - this post is for you. This past weekend, a friend of mine is in the process of celebrating her month long birthday. So she gets a wild (gray) hair and suggests that we go down to Paula Deen's Buffet at the casinos in Tunica. Now I just LOVE me some Lady. So we pile up in the car (just the two of us) and head to points south. Now, for all you non-Southerners, let me explain about the casinos. They are located in and about Tunica, Mississippi - in the Mississippi Delta. The Delta is very flat river land that, according to the legend, begins in the lobby of the Peabody Hotel in Memphis. Well, we were considerably south of the lobby. We were in kudzu land. If y'all haven't seen kudzu, you have missed a sight. Kudzu is a vine that takes over everything it touches. You will see fields of it covering trees and telephone poles. I swear it will come in your house at night and choke you in your sleep. (Which makes me want to go right this instant, pinch off a sprig and toss it into one of my neighbor's yards. Hmmmmmm...)

So, we get to Harrah's, where the restaurant is located. Incidentally, due to some outdated law, the casinos have to be on the river. Or rather IN the river. Peeps, these are floating casinos. Yup. Out in the river. They're anchored and all, but you have to walk across something akin to a large gangplank to get in. Now, I am not all that big on casinos. I am not against gambling - It has just never appealed to me. I can count on one had the times I have been down to the casinos during their 20 year existence. So there we are. It is amazing to watch the people that go there. I'm serious. The vast majority of gamblers were around 55 years of age. Looking either desperate or determined, these were exactly the individuals that DID NOT need to be there gambling their retirement or paychecks away. My friend pointed out that the cane of choice seemed to be a four-pronger. I saw an oxygen tank or two... I cannot tell you what a self-esteem boost it is when I go to down to the casinos.

We finally work our way to the restaurant where, I kid you not, there is a line like Disney World JUST TO PAY TO GET IN!!! Now I have seen the Lady herself and did not stand in a line anywhere close to this long. Pay attention now - if you find yourself at Paula's kitchen in Tunica, DO NOT STAND IN THIS LINE. There is a little self-pay kiosk hidden away that you can get you own tickets and not have to stand with all the trash, I mean people, in that line.

Then you go stand in line to be seated. Now, the restaurant is a replica of Paula's home in Savannah. It has a front porch and everything. We finally get seated and go to the trough - I mean, buffet. People have asked me what I had. It would probably be more expedient to tell what I DIDN'T have. Let's see... I started with crab legs, followed by some raw oysters and boiled shrimp. Then I had the most wonderful cheesy meat loaf, mac and cheese and cheese grits (a theme, perhaps). Fried green tomatoes, friend shrimp, and wet ribs. OH and the cheese biscuits were to slap yo mama over. Plus we had hoecakes. The inevitable punchline being that I liked the hoecakes because I was ...wait for it ... a ho. (Insert appropriate giggling here). For dessert I have a wonderful strawberry cheesecake and two macaroons. I felt like a big fat tick about to pop.

After dinner, we walked around to settle our stomachs. We had a glass of wine to help us digest what we had just ingested. At that point we were pooped and decided to start the haul back to Memphis. We got outside and I am here to tell you it was hot and humid. I'm talking 95-97 degrees at 11:00pm. You could cut the air with a knife it was so wet. It was lightening something fierce. The sky looked like a strobe light. And the thunder... It was so sultry and humid that just walking to the car, the sweat started pouring down through the course, dark hairs of my heavily muscled chest, just waiting for Mr. Right to come along and lick it slowly off...but I digress. It was hot.

So we made it back to Memphis fat and happy. My only regret was that out of ALL those hundreds of people everywhere in that casino, I only saw one guy that I would have bent over. Sigh... Now -- back to the diet.

Foot In Mouth Disease

2008-07-29T07:08:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday night, in an attempt recover from my unfortunate discovery about the fake neurologist, a few friends of mine and I went to a particularly nice Italian restaurant in East Memphis for dinner. One friend in particular I had not seen in quite some time, came in and sat down next to me at the bar. I shit thee not - she had not been sitting next to me for one minute when I said "You got your haircut. And you have a mullet." Of course, she does not have a mullet. I just saw that the back of her hair was straight and from that angle that's what it resembled. Further inspection revealed that she did not, in fact, have a mullet. Her haircut was actually very nice. But, alas, the damage was done. She was shocked and appalled that I would even consider that she had a mullet. I don't know why things like this just seem to jump out of my mouth. This is not the first time something like this has happened and more than likely, it wont be the last. I was duly mortified and apologized like the dog I am, but I still don't think I'm in the clear. On top of that, another friend called my to say that she and the offended went to have a couple of beers to help her get thru her hard time. What hard time, I ask innocently. Being accused of having a mullet, was the reply. I have a feeling this one will be hard to live down. The general consensus amongst the privileged few is ... "well, that's just him." I hate that -- the implication being that I'm autistic or something when the truth is I just don't think before I speak. In my defense however, I can think of numerous occasions when there must have been divine intervention keeping my trap shut that could have resulted in very real and lasting damage. Get out the duct tape, peeps. You never know what is going to come out of this mouth...but you can bet you sweet,twinky gay asses its gonna to be low-down and dirty ... :-)

What Kind of Fool???

2008-07-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

Oh boy do I have a post for you. I have done it this time...Try not to laugh at my ignorance as the story progresses. In honor of the lovely and late Estelle Getty (no snarky comments, cb)... Picture it...Lido Key, June 2008... A young man on a beach meets another man who asks him out. He goes and has a good time. That young man was me. For my two readers out in cyberland, you will remember that I went on a two week vacation to Sarasota. Despite the fact that I have been going to Sarasota for twenty years, I did not know that there was a "gay" beach until this visit. So I traipse my happy ass out to the beach where there was not a lot of people, gay or otherwise what with it being out of season and all. I met a man on the beach that struck up a conversation with me and we hung out, just floating around in the water and shooting the breeze. It appears that this man was a neurosurgeon/neurologist in New York City and lived in the Hamptons. He was 64, which I thought he looked great for 64. Well, he asked me if I would like to have dinner with him that night and I said yes.

Turns out, we go to a nice restaurant and back to one of his six condos on Anna Maria Island. He also has a big house on Longboat Key and a house in Big Sky, Montana. He told me he did not bring his cell phone on his vacation since he didn't want his work bothering him. Ok. Since then he has called me a few times from a restricted number. Jump forward to this week. I mentioned to my best friend that I talked to dude for an hour last Sunday and my friend started in on my ass about checking him out. Googling him. I said I didn't need to because I trusted him. My friend is somewhat cynical. He actually got real mad at me for, as he put it, sticking my head in the sand. What I didn't tell him is that I Googled him the day I got back. I didn't find anything, but I chalked that up to not being sure of how to spell his last name, and promptly forgot about it.

With all this renewed interest by others in my bidness, I decided to investigate further when I got back to work. I still came up short, so I decided to look up the property assessors public records for Manatee County. What I discovered is that my friend has one condo in Bradenton. ONE - not six. Nor does he own a home on Longboat Key. I did find an address with no city and state on the assessors page. I checked all of Long Island and that address does not exist there. I located it in Hatboro, PA -- a 1,000 square foot house that is smaller than my own. Using some other resources at my disposal, I discovered the he is not licensed as a physician in any state. Turns out that everything he told me was a complete lie. Everything. I mean, this man painted a ELABORATE picture and I fell for it ALL. I mean I had no reason not to. I am on a semi-private beach in Sarasota with huge-ass mansions behind me so it would not be shocking to meet someone walking in tall cotton. He told me all about his kids...four or five of them. Turns out he has ONE. Oh --- AND a wife, whom he told me was deceased. She is more than likely quite alive and well...

The thing that kills me is that all of this was a lie. I keep wanting to believe there is some logical explanation for all of this despite all the black and white evidence to the contrary. Because the other option is that I have been a complete fool. I feel stupid enough as it is. Generally, I feel that I am pretty good judge of character. I have worked in a law enforcement capacity for the past 14 years and see the dregs of society on a daily basis. I automatically assume that everyone is lying to me because, quite simply, they are. With the majority of people I deal with, I assume they are lying and try to determine what the polar opposite of what they are saying is and figure out what they are trying to get out of me and the system. Granted that is very cynical, but in my business, one gets jaded very quickly. I have just never been that cynical in my personal life. Unfortunately, that has changed.

In the almost two years I have been out, I have come across several people of shady character. Some of these people, I am fond of saying, are like dogs that should be put down. This guy is definitely one of them. Now comes the question of how to deal with him when he calls me back. I am inclined to say that I just started dating someone and want to be very committed to him, so I don't think it is appropriate to keep talking to him. Hopefully, that will get rid of him. My friend is pissed at me because I wont find out his story and put the squeeze on him before confronting him with the truth. My thing is, that will just invite more dialogue and lies and I just want hell and him gone from me.

Of course, all of this has not exactly built up my faith in humanity. I am at the point that if my best friend says the sky is blue, then I will go outside and see for myself. I don't want to be distrustful of people. Assholes like this definitely make it harder to take people at face value. Like I told a friend the other night, this is enough to make me go to bed, throw the covers over my head and eat Velveeta out of the box...with one of these boys.

Thank You for Being a Friend...

2008-07-23T07:11:00.001-07:00

1923-2008

You made me laugh.

I Wanna Be a Skinny Bitch...

2008-07-17T14:01:00.000-07:00

Damn it!!! I have to go on a diet again. My fat ass is making my ass look fat. I hate diets. I wish I could eat everything I wanted. Alas, I cannot as I am not tall. I was going to say I have been working out like a fiend but that might be stretching the truth just a touch. Actually, I have been taking a group barbell class that I have really enjoyed. Know what I enjoy even more??? Going out after class to eat had drink beer. Yes, folks, the beer has struck back. But I can't not drink. Especially with the job I have that I hate. Drinking is the glue that has held my universe together, ESPECIALLY when I have had a day like I had today where I have had to deal with the stupidest people that God ever breathed breath into. Unfortunately, it has packed on the poundage. I have to go to the cardiologist tomorrow and he is going to scream at me in that meek, genteel British accent that he has.

I started SlimFast earlier this week. The concept is fine...reduce you calories for your first two meals of the day and eat what you want (within reason) for dinner. Sounds great, right? Try it. The shakes are actually quite good and I always want three or four of them -- along with breakfast. Then you come to the realization that you are starving to death!!! And you get that hungry headache. I am drinking a ton of green tea on top of that as I read that green tea is good for losing weight in addition to diet and exercise. Love the green tea... The thing is I don't need to loose a ton of weight, just 20 lbs or so. I loathe, hate and despise all those skinny little bitches out there (like the ones in the pictures) and want to slap them all down...repeatedly about the head and shoulders until they scream and beg for mercy at which time I will make mad, passionate love to them and ultimately forgive them for being the skinny bitches that they are, making me look bad by comparison. Do I have an anger issue on top of a weight problem??? Hmmmm... Another blog topic perhaps. So I persevere and deny myself the fruits of life. Maybe I just need to get my mouth wired shut. I have a feeling several people in my life would readily agree. That's ok... I'll bitch about them later. Psychotic post over.

Damn Cell Phone...

2008-07-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

I have been a bad blogger lately, I realize and I only have time for a short post today. Haven't really had anything to say lately. Until now. Two days ago, I dropped my cell phone in the turlet. To which I promptly said "shit"! I just crack myself up like that... The phone itself was no big deal. I have insurance on it for such stupid things as that BUT I had 250.00 numbers in it that were lost for good. I tried the hairdryer thing to no avail. The cell phone gods were frowning on my. And I don't know why...I pay my bill and do not abuse my...ahem...instrument (much).

So I sent out this mass email plea for numbers from my friends and enemies. The responses I have received...you can only imagine. Some of my "wittier" friends remarked it was like loosing my little black book. Others just laughed outright. Granted, it was a stupid thing to do. But I have most of my numbers back and I am going to have to enter them by hand. I don't mind really, but BY GOD I am putting everything in an address book. The hell with backing it up on a computer - I want a paper back-up. Servers crash all the time and I DO NOT repeat NOT want to have to do this all over again. So word to the wise -- WRITE DOWN YOUR NUMBERS AND EMAIL. So until next time, dear readers, feast your eyes (and tongues) on this...

Happy Fourth of July !!!

2008-07-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

On this very special day, let us all take a moment and remember what makes this nation the greatest on the face of the earth. No matter what you may think about the war or the current politics behind it, at this time, we need to remember and say a special prayer for the men and women whose lives are on the line every day. And we need to remember and be thankful for the sacrifices of those that laid down their lives since before this nation was created so that we can live free today. God Bless America! Everyone have a happy and SAFE Fourth!

Back to Memphis...

2008-06-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

I'm back!!! And not too happy about it if the truth be known...Why would I want to come back to someplace as crime-ridden and corrupt as Memphis when I can be at tropical points south??? The answer: I don't. But I had a wonderful time as some of the pictures suggest. I gained more than a couple of pounds down there. Food was excellent and besides, fat looks better tan. I was able to catch up with some friends and made some new ones (wink, wink). One of my friends suggested that I go to Lido Key to go to the beach rather than my regular haunt of Siesta Key. I never was much for Lido as I found it not as pretty as Siesta. My friend told me this was the gay beach. It also used to be a nude beach in days past. I'm told some people that frequent there didn't get the memo and still visit sans clothing. Well, slap my ass and call me Judy. A dear friend of mine (one might not think he is by the way he treats me) said I ought to go nude. Bitch, please. I know when to keep things covered. He said everyone at nude beaches would look as bad as I do and that if I kept gaining weight, no one could even tell I was nude. Such a stitch he is... Then next day I hauled my apparently fat ass up to Lido Beach, met a nice guy and got asked out. Can you believe it? AND the best part is, he is a neurosurgeon!!! Lives in the Hamptons, practices in New York, 6 condos in Sarasota, big-ass house on Longboat Key and another presumably big-ass house in Big Sky, Montana. And he wanted to go out with me. I did and we had a lovely time. (Get your minds out of the gutter, people). He was very nice and wants to see me again. Actually, he wants to fly me down in August when he is coming back. I'll have to see.

I frequented the local gay bar in Sarasota when I could. They only have one, which is pathetic considering the huge gay population there. Hell, Memphis has at least six... Anyway, I met a couple of guys there last Saturday night that were fun and I was hit on by a Cuban man that was most proud to tell me that he came to the United States from Cuba 2 years before Batista was overthrown. Now if we are all up on our Cuban history, we would realize that he came here in 1957. That would put him in his early 70s. A piece of living history. I resisted the urge to ask what Havana was like in the fifties as I thought it might encourage him to further conversation with me. I'm considerate that way.

Other than that, the trip was most relaxing considering the amount of alcohol that was consumed. I rented a Kia Sportage when I got there because of the criminally insane gas prices and the fact that my aunt has a monster of a van that slurps gas like an anteater eats...well, ants. Great little car...I highly recommend it if you have to rent.

While I was gone, the great Tim Russert passed on as did the beautiful and talented Cyd Charise. Two great losses.

But alas, all good things must come to an end... Now I can start daydreaming about my next two weeks down ... which should be in October.

Oh, yeah -- how could I forget this...

A MUCH Needed Vacation...

2008-06-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well bitches, it is time I take a short break. No - it's past time. Way past time. For the next two weeks, I will be sitting on my considerable derriere in Sunny South Florida. Sarasota, Florida to be exact. My favorite aunt lives there so I have squatters rights on the digs. I get to sit my fat ass on a beach for two weeks, do you hear a sista? I probably will not be around a computer much during that time, so I may not blog. But I will report back as soon as I come home. Y'all try to behave (that means Brad and CB) I will enjoy catching up on your blogs when I get back or if I can snag a computer down there. Meantime, here are a few pics of Sarasota to make you all absolutely pea-green with envy...(don't hate)

Oh, and one other thing. I wish I could find one or two of these while I'm down here. I'll have to work on that...

Take Me Out to the Ball Game...

2008-06-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

Another wild weekend has passed us by. One of my best friends and I decided to go to the Memphis Redbirds game this past Saturday night. I am doing something a bit different here and instead of posting delicious, gratitious pics of devestatingly hot men, I thought I would share a few pics from the weekend... If none of you have ever had the ... ahem...pleasure of being in Memphis (I can almost say it with a straight face) you will realize the leaders that be in this city have FINALLY done something right with Redburd Stadium. The weather was GLORIOUS. It was warm without being too hot and we were getting the breeze from the river. The beer was even better. Below are some pics from the game....

Of course you know, I am someone to always find something that I like in EVERY situation. Sports are no different. See below a priceless moment in baseball.

(I have always been a firm believer in the benefits of proper stretching techinque...)

Anyhoo - after the game, my friend and I scooted on over to the Peabody Hotel where it is widely known that the lobby of the hotel is the beginning of the Mississippi Delta. We went up to the roof and decided to do a little sightseeing in our own city. I have discovered that from above, looking down, Memphis almost seems like a decent place to live...A few more pics...

Below is the Skyway Room at the top of the Peabody -- this is my very favorite room in the city. You can just feel the years turning back as you enter this gem. I always wonder what it would be like dancing up here in the 1950s. Champagne glasses. Girls with white golves. The next picture is a watercolor that hangs on the wall of how the room once appeared. I so much love this painting that if it were not bolted to the wall... uh...where were we??

As it turns out, our evening is not without a moral (I'm talking about the evening, not me). Said friend and myself decided to ponder our dinner destination over a cocktail at the Corner Bar in the Peabody that is situated ... um ... in the corner of the Peabody. As we were seated, all non-judgementally at the bar, we noticed a couple making out like there was no tomorrow. A middle-aged couple at that. Can you say EWWWWWWWW??? I certainly did. Then I hear somthing, like eyeglasses hit the ground. Chick picks them up and starts crying. I'm thinking "For the love of God, why can't people act right." Then middle-aged dude gets up and starts stumbling like CRAZY -- I'm talking knocking chairs over and wine spashing everywhere. He finally falls into a loveseat and hits his head on the wall. Meantime, people are running up to them from all over trying to help. The woman (this is priceless) does not check on the condition of her husband's skull, rather she takes the wine glass out of his hand and pours whats left of the wine into her glass. She had her priorities right. Then she collapses into the arms of the cocktail waitress and starts sobbing uncontrollably. At this point we absolutely have to know what is going on, nosy things that we are. What we discovered was quite disturbing. The couple is from Califoria and told the waitress that a month ago their daughtere ODed on something or other and since then two of her remaining three children tried to commit suicide becuase they were so distraught over the death of their sister. Wow. We both sat back back down and took a moment or two. So we have learned not to judge someone until we have been in their shoes...Something not to forget, and yet we all do as we are merely human.

And to think that I got thru this post without even one hot, sweaty man pic... Nawwww - I just couldn't -- he ya go...

My Top 40

2008-06-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

After long and careful consideration, what follows is essentially my perfect list of the "most doable" men ever. These are the ones, in order, that simply do it for me... Not to say the list wont change in the future, but for the time being, these really, really, really push my buttons... (OK - The names don't quite match the pics, but do your best...)

1. Ryan Reynolds

2. Tim McGraw

3. Jason Statham

4. Colton Ford

5. Jeremy Piven

6. Tom Chase
7. Dave Annabele
8. Colin Ferrell
9. Chris Evans
10. Chris Cagle
11. Gabriel Macht
12. Christian Bale
13. Antonion Sabatio, Jr.
14. George Cloony
15. Andy Roddick
16. Billy Currington
17. Jamie Bamber
18. Andy Roddick
19. Paul Walker
20. Scott Caan
21. Aaron Eckhart
22. Dermot Mulroney
23. Rupert Everett
24. Jude Law
25. Tom Brady
26. Ricky Martin
27. Christopher Gorham
28. Balthazar Getty
29. Scott Speedman
30. Ryan Gosling
31. Gerard Butler
32. Gavin Rossdale
33. Deirks Bently
34. Billy Crudup
35. Nick Lachey
36. James Franco
37. Eric Maibus
38. Jesse Metcalf
39. Patrick Dempsey
40. Hugh Jackman

Jones v. Jones

2008-06-02T12:50:00.000-07:00

I had a request from CB over at Mangina Monologues (who, btw, is a TOTAL hottie) to give my opinion of the new Indiana Jones movie. I know a lot of people out there will disagree with me, but I kinda liked it. I know it wasn't Raiders, but I thought it had the general feel of the old movies. The one thing that I didn't like, however, was all the CGI stuff. AND the nuclear explosion thing went a bit far, even for Indy. Are you telling me that a 1950's refrigerator will keep you alive from a direct hit from a 50 megaton thermonuclear bomb? Bitch, please... A lot of people didn't like the sci-fi angle. I did like it. I thought it very well paid homage to the period of time in which the film was set. All those UFO movies were essentially reflecting the fear that Americans felt about communism and their very well-grounded fear at the time of the Soviets and the proliferation of nuclear weapons. I enjoyed the action and appreciated the fact that an effort was made to kind of make it like the original and use more "real people" action rather than go totally CGI, like the new Star Wars flix. I thought that Karen Allen was totally wasted in the film, though. It was almost as if her role were an afterthought. Just so Speilberg could say ... "Look -- we got the original girl back. Now what do we do with her?" All in all, I found it fun and a good escape for a couple of hours.

On the other hand we have Sex. Words escape me. Almost. This was one of the most satisfying movies I have seen in awhile. My girls are back!!! The movie was such a welcome relief for me from the final season of the show which I liked the least and found to be very dark as far as where the relationships were taken. I was concerned that it would not translate well into film after existing solely as a half-hour serial. It came off much better than I had anticipated. All the magic and charm was there. And just like the show, it threw in a few surprises, especially in character development that I wasn't expecting. What was really a hoot was the audience. Every girl, woman, or tranny in Memphis was out Friday night DIVAED out, do you hear me? Every broad there had her jewelry, heels and face on. AND standing in line, to boot. It was like Star Wars for girls. Ahhhh - as the movie poster says..."To be Carried away again..." My best friend has been vicious in deriding me because I went to go see it. He said there was no way he was going to go see a movie about 4 sluts. I said that works out just fine, because no one was asking him to go. Can't wait to go see it again...and then get the DVD...(sigh)

And on top of the greatness of the movie, I had a date this weekend. He's a really hot guy I met last week. As luck would have it, I managed to introduce him to a couple of my good friends. It was said that he is one good looking kid. KID?? KID, you say??? He is 5 years older than me. AND to add insult to injury, she said she thought he looked 10 years younger than ME. OUCH!!! No matter how flattering that is to him...OUCH!!! I'm still tender from that remark. I bet he didn't realize he was out with Methuselah. But we had a great time. Too bad he is moving in a month.

A Few Random Thoughts on Summer...

2008-05-23T07:17:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems that Memorial Day and the official start of summer is upon us. Summer. My favorite season. It evokes the magical descriptions as found in Ray Bradbury's quintessential classic "Dandelion Wine". Even now as I sit indoors, I can conjure up summer so easily. The smell of freshly mowed lawns. The sound of the Popsicle man's truck. The purple sky at dusk with just a hint of moon. The smell of honeysuckle and gardenia. Trips to the beach. And of course the cicadas. The roar that they make defies description. And all of that is back again, playing to a packed house but without quite the same allure as it has to a child. But summer for an adult can be fun as well. Vacations, time off work, etc. Oh -- and the most important thing: COLD BEER. That is the HUGE benefit of being an adult in summertime.

Last night I found myself sitting outdoors enjoying the summer evening at The Beauty Shop (a former beauty shop turned trendy restaurant here in Memphis) sipping wine with some very lovely ladies from the local ballet waiting for a friend to show up. It was the perfect evening -- no humidity and a gentle breeze. I couldn't help but think back just a year ago, I sat in the very same seat with one of my best friends on the night that I came out. The thought of that stayed with me most of the night. The nostalgia of reflection aside, I stopped to ponder the past year. And not just the events of the year themselves, but asking myself how am I different and am I better off now? Coming out for me was not a well-planned, thought out decision. It was a spontaneous occurrence that I have not regretted. In so many ways I feel like I have started living after I became honest with myself and friends as to who I really am. And last night, as I sat outside with these beautiful people, I realized that I would never have met any of them had I not come out.

So suffice to say that I am looking forward to this summer with something close to the anticipation of a kid getting out of school for the summer. Tonite I am going to see the new Indiana Jones movie. (Another way cool benefit of summer are the blockbuster movies!!) But lest we forget...the real reason for us being off on Monday is that we pause and remember our troops past and present that have served or serving our country. They are the guardians of freedom and the reason we can live a free life. It is fine to go to the lake and drink cold beer, but keep these men and women in mind as you enjoy the official start of summer. So many of them will not be enjoying the long weekend off work as their work does not end. Have a safe and fun holiday weekend.

The Weekend...

2008-05-13T06:51:00.000-07:00

Hi there everyone...Sorry I haven't posted as much lately, but things have been somewhat Kee-rae-zy... Where to start...Well, I had an interesting yet fun time Friday night. This guy I am kinda sorta seeing that I kinda sorta like a lot went with me to see a friend of mine that is in Memphis Ballet for his last show of the season. The show combined the ballet while celebrating various fashion designers. Tres cool idea... And it was located at the zoo. You may be thinking weird place to hold a ballet. But the Memphis Zoo is REALLY good forum - one of the best zoos in the country. I was particularly excited as I have not been to the zoo since I was a child (I know, shame on me). So I came up with the brilliant idea (I have no other kind) to go early so we could get a cocktail and walk around and see some of the animals. Well, when we got there we found that the performances space was up front, in the common area near the entrance and all the main walkways to where the animals were located were blocked off to the public, as the zoo was closed for the evening. Not one to be deterred by barricades, my friend (whom I shall refer to as HotAss) and I went around to the back of the cat house where we saw people mingling around. Turns out there was a wedding reception in the Panda exhibit - but we didn't know it was a reception when we crashed it. After snooping around the reception and not finding anything to our liking, I said lets go walking around. So we start on the main loop. HotAss just got a new camera and we were taking pictures of all sorts of animals we saw. Then some man comes up to us in a tram and says we need to go back to where the show is, that the zoo is closed. He said we could finish taking pictures and all that but to start heading back. Bleck. We take more pictures of the giraffes and their adorable baby and then another guy in another tram comes by and tells us to go up front. He was not as nice as guy number one. So with reluctance we start heading back. And then I see the flamingo pond. Now flamingos are my VERY FAVORITE bird of all time, and being gay I guess I am naturally attracted to a pink bird. I then found out why all these people kept telling us to go back to the where the show was. It appears that after closing time, certain fences around certain exhibits become electrified. I found this out the hard way. I leaned over to look at the pink birds and got the hell shocked out of me. It was like a human bug zapper. It sounded like a shot went off... HotAss said it hurt him and he didn't even touch the fence. Like any good Memphian, I started screaming lawsuit. HotAss got a big kick out of this as we were trespassing and were told to leave twice and the fence was clearly marked --he said I wouldn't get much... My thumb hurt most of the night, dammit. Anyway, the show was SUPER -- my friend danced in one movement and choreographed another, which was by FAR superior to the others. We waited around and said hi to the dancers before going off to Mollie Fontaine's for more drinks.

Another interesting thing that happened was that Saturday night I had dinner with a couple of friends I had not seen in awhile. They are two lesbians and one of them was partnered previously with another close friend of mine. There had been some tension there with myself and them over the past few months -- you know ... taking sides and all that... Due to the violent weather that was coming thru the area Saturday night, we decided to eat in. Also, they invited two of their neighbors over (gay guys) that I had never met. We had a ball and I really hit it off with them. I would really like to get to know them better as one of them came from the same background as me. Anyhoo -- I get this email from my friend on Monday. Basically, it said that it was good to see me Saturday night and that she knows it is hard when people break up and started talking about choosing sides (I ended up being closer with her ex after the breakup, but I found this comment interesting since NONE OF THIS WAS EVER DISCUSSED THAT NIGHT -- AT ALL).

Then she said that she was busy and she hoped I wouldn't be offended if she couldn't spend a lot of time with me (not that we have anyway). And that she wanted me to know that she was still my friend and that I could email or call her. Here we had this great dinner and I get an email out of the blue basically saying I am to be kept at arms length. Whatever. I have come to the conclusion that women are F**KING CRAZY. All women. There is NO understanding any of them, so don't even try. It is an exercise if futility. Thank GOD I bat for the guys...

Slappin' the Mess Outa Misery...

2008-05-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

I know you have ALL wanted to slap the shit out of somebody. Here's your chance... Copy and click. I SWEAR this is majorily addicting!!!! Enjoy...You will be thanking me...

http://www.counterfeitmini.com/main.swf

The Weekend...

2008-04-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

Wow -- it has certainly been a fun weekend. After a laborious (emphasis on BORE) my diverse crowd and myself went downtown to the trolley tour at the arts district. One night a month (Friday) all of the art galleries and businesses stay open late and it is kind of the place to see and be seen. We all met down there and true to form, I found the one person in Memphis that I would rather avoid. After successfully eluding this idiot, we got to see the zombies. That's right, folks... you heard it right...zombies. Apparently, once a year, people (odd people, I say) dress up like the living dead and have kind of a parade downtown. Why they do this I have NO CLUE. I could understand it if they charged something and gave the proceeds to a charity, but I don't think they do. Zombie etiquette says that if you want to be part of this parade that you put an "X" on you clothing with masking tape and as the zombies approach, they pull you in...I chose to pass on this activity. After we watched the March of the Dead, we ate at Pearl's Oyster House...quite a fine meal if I do say so myself.

After our group had dispersed, I went to Mollie Fontaine's (local gay bar) with a friend for a couple of hours. We had a good time and had some cocktails before the storm hit. I eventually left and went to the Pumping Station (if you have to ask if it is a gay bar, you ain't gay). This is where things got interesting. I have been emailing a guy that was at the bar that night (I'll call him Big Guy). I end up talking to him while sitting at a table. One of Big Guy's friends (Little Guy) comes over and starts flirting with me as well. At the same time. Both of them see what the other is doing and they take it up a notch and start getting touchy. One had his hand on my knee and the other, on my back. Then Big Guy gets pissed at Little Guy and they start arguing about something Little Guy presumably said. Little Guy takes umbrage and starts arguing back. Big Guy tears him a new one. At this point, I get up, got to the bar and pay my tab. They must have seen that I was gone and Big Guy came to the bar and apologized for me having to see the display. Someone started talking to him and Little Dude comes up and is profusely apologizing over and over. I pulled the piece d'resistance and said "I think it is time for me to go home". Little Guy's face just fell. I turned and walked right out the door. I never thought I would see the day that two guys would fight over me and I certainly NEVER thought that I would just walk away from it all. Since then, I have gotten (is gotten a word???) several apologetic emails from Big Guy.

The next night after, after working at the frame shop, a very good friend and myself went and ate a Papa Pia's (for any Memphians reading -- go there. Tonite.) Then we went to Felicia Suzanne's and had a cocktail on the patio. Words cannot tell what a beautiful night it was. Then we strolled down to the Cannon Center to see Amy Grant with the Memphis Symphony. WONDERFUL concert. I felt like I was in high school again going to see Amy...Following that we went to the top of the Madison Hotel to look at the river and have a glass of wine. Then we went home because it was after 11 and my friend turns into a pumpkin around 7:23 pm.

All in all, it was a truly fun and eventful weekend. Add to that the fact that one of my dearest friends is coming back in town this week for a visit after moving to Philadelphia. Right now, life is pretty good...

2 For The Weekend...

2008-04-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

Here I am again with tasteless humor and hot guys...Enjoy!

------------------------------------------------

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child. What may I Do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs Limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

The priest answered: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn You: I will not Lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you"

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The Official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer Strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the Floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice.

'It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool...They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos-about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes you want!'

The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, 'What's wrong now?'

'Lard-Almighty Bubba!' said Billy-Bob, 'the tater goes in the front!'

True Confessions...

2008-04-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

Yall know I love these things... especially when I can't come up with something of substance (mostly because nothing exciting has happened lately). Its filler, I know, but fun filler...

According to the instructions, I am NOT allowed to explain ANYTHING unless someone asks.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Taken a picture completely naked?
No

Made out with someone on your top 8?
Yes

Danced in front of your mirror naked?
No

Told a lie?
Yes

Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?
Yes

Been arrested?
No

Made out with someone of the same sex?
Yes

Seen someone die?
No

Slept in until 5pm?
No

Had sex at work?
No

Fallen asleep at work/school?
No

Held a snake?
Yes

Ran a red light?
Yes

Been suspended from school?
No

Totaled your car in an accident?
No

Pole danced?
Yes

Been fired from a job?
No

Sang karaoke?
No

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
Yes

Laughed until a drink came out your nose?
Yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Yes

Kissed in the rain?
No

Sang in the shower?
Yes

Gave your private parts a nickname?
No

Ever gone out without underwear?
Yes

Sat on a roof top?
Yes

Played chicken?
No

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
No

Broken a bone?
No

Mooned/flashed someone?
No

Shaved your head?
No

Slept naked?
Yes

Played a prank on someone?
Yes

Had a gym membership?
Yes

Felt like killing someone?
Yes

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
No

Cried over someone you were in love with?
Yes

Had sex more than 10 times in one day?
No

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets?
No

Been in a band?
No

Subscribed to Maxim?
No

Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol?
No

Shot a gun?
Yes

Had sex today?
No

Played strip poker?
No

Tripped on mushrooms?
No

Donated Blood?
No

Video taped yourself having sex?
No

Eaten alligator meat? frogs legs?
Yes/No

Ever jump out of an airplane?
No

Have you been to more than 10 countries?
No

Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend?
Yes

I Know, I Know...

2008-04-16T12:02:00.000-07:00

Ok -- I HAD to do this. I know, I know...it's tacky and crude, but MY GOD it made me laugh... I hope you find it just as funny...

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that
said course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening
I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "You're
definitely going to mess yourself" chili.
Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes
with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of
your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups
of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No
"Watson's Movement 2". Despite habanera peppers swimming their way
through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual
morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning.

Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of when,
I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that
I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart
and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't
until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that
the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm
talking about. I'm referring to that "Uh oh, gotta go" pain that always
seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.
The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt.
In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines,
forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one
step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief,
it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped
in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded.
I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.
Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body,
and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an
elderly woman turned into it.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her
reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate,
as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two
different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure
some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she
walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor
so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running,
was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as
though trying to ward off angry bees.

This, of course , made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake.
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped down",
if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst
forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was
later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone
was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off
through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way,
praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the
inevitable "Oh my, Oh my", floating above the toilet seat because my butt is
burning SO BAD, purging.

One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true
meaning of "Shock and Awe". He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said,
" Oh h h h!", then quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart
intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached
me and said, "Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes.
It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager
is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to
take care of the problem."

That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me.
The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover
his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!",
then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously
escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat
but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to
shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in
court over the whole matter. They claim they're going to have to repaint the store.

Overthrowing the Empire...

2008-04-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

This is one pissed off fag here. I have been doing battle with the Evil Empire, otherwise known as AT&T. I HATE AT&T -- HATE THEM, HATE THEM, HATE THEM. As it happens, I have not had a dial tone on my land line since last Monday. On Tuesday I called the Unholy Axis to let them know and I got ... gasp... a recording. The recording wanted me to press this and that and leave my number WHICH I DID and no one ever got back to me. So on Thursday I called back and, praise baby Jesus, I got a live person, who after speaking with her, I wished she were not amongst the living. This was the most arrogant bitch I have ever spoken with. She claims that the recording told me how to trouble-shoot my phone (which it did not). She said if a technician is scheduled, she will probably have to charge me a fee. She (evil, maniacal robot) told me to unhook my line from the jack and wait a couple of minutes. I did this 4 times and nothing seemed to work.

So I called back on Friday and completely lost my religion. I do NOT suffer fools gladly. The jerk that I finally got on the phone said he had no record of me having called the day before. I said I was sure my next bill would reflect the fact that I have not had service in a week. He said he could not verify that. At this point, I gave into the dark side... I screamed into the phone that I had called Tuesday (which he had a record of) and that I was calling back today (Friday) to say that I still don't have service. HOW HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?!?!?!?! Blood pressure going up just thinking about it. He said that customer service, not repairs would have to adjust the bill. That is funny, I replied, because they said repair would have to deal with it. I pontificated at length that this is supposedly a Dow Jones Industrial major corporation with stockholders and all that -- whose employees are COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT!!! The left had doesn't know what the right hand is doing. My right hand knows what it is doing. My right hand wants to slap someone...repeatedly.

He finally said he would schedule a service technician to come out to my house...Saturday between 2-6 in the afternoon. I said that was impossible since I have to WORK FOR A LIVING!!!! I gave them my dad's cell number and said to call him and he would meet them. According to asswipe, this may or may not work. I told him in no uncertain terms to read my lips and MAKE. IT. WORK. (As you can tell, I do not deal well with ignorance).

Dude came out and checked everything and could not figure out what the problem was and had to go to some box down the street. That was not the problem, so he climbed to the top of the telephone pole and discovered that vines had wrapped themselves around the line and pulled it apart, probably due to wind or rain. He repaired it and now I have to call these brain surgeons back to make sure my bill is properly credited.

I wanted SOOO BADLY to cancel my phone completely, but I have always thought it was very ghetto just to have a cell phone and no land line just for back up. I have had the pleasure of dealing with these rocket scientists once before when I had them as my long distance carrier about 10 years ago when I first moved into my house. I didn't use the service very much since I just got my cell phone at the time. I would get billed for the service and then the next month I would get a really low bill. This happened for a couple of months and then I would get a whopper of a bill. After calling said rocket scientists, I was told that they were billing me every three months because it was easier for them. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH --- easier for THEM. Well, I was SO glad to hear that. It warmed my heart to know that THEIR jobs were made so much easier by billing me every three months. I told them I realize that it is a foreign concept to consider...oh, I don't know... the CUSTOMER!!!!! and that perhaps, just perhaps, they could bill me every month. This suggestion was not met with great enthusiasm - so I told them to cancel the service completely, via means of rectal insertion of their instrument. I even wrote them a nasty letter reiterating this point, which I have kept to this day, seeing as it was one of my better examples of creative writing.

My carrier has been BellSouth for lo all these years. Last year, the collective f**ktards at AT&T bought BellSouth and I knew in the depths of my dark and depraved soul that I would have a problem with them. As it turned out I was right...as I always am. So if any of you in blogland have to deal with those monsters, I feel for you ... I really do. UNITE AND OVERTHROW!!!!!!!!!!!!

What I Have Been Reading...

2008-04-11T06:51:00.000-07:00

I just got finished reading the most fascinating book -- Religion Gone Bad by Mel White. In short, this book discusses the way in which the fundamentalist evangelical movement in this country as it stands today, has hijacked Christianity and is a very real threat to gays everywhere. I would attempt to go into great detail, discussing each aspect of this book, but there is no way that I could do that that the author has not done so much more eloquently. So I will submit a short synopsis.

Dr. White states that the real problem lies with the "fundamentalist" Christians, but it would help to understand what a fundamentalist is to begin with. Simply stated, a fundamentalist is one that seeks to push a single didactic viewpoint on a pluralistic society. This single view being the innerrancy of the Bible - i.e. taking the Bible completely literally. The author takes pains to point out that fundamentalists do not make up all Christians. He states that within every denomination of Christianity today, even the ones primarily populated by fundamentalists, there exist those Christians who display and practically live out the love of Christ for others every day, and do not automatically condemn a person to hell on the basis of same-sex attraction.

The majority of the author's career as a writer has been spent ghost-writing for most of the big Christian players, so he has a unique platform in which to address these issues. He states that these people, these major Christian ministers, were at one time his friends and that they are certainly not hypocites when it comes to their hard nose stance against homosexuality. They really and truly believe that gays are the cause of everything wrong with our society today and the cause for a holy war and they see themselves as the warriors ready to do God's bidding. In fact, some of the major Christian ministers believe that 911 came about as the result of the homosexual lifestyle run amok. The author provides a fascinating history of fundamentalism primarily through brief introductions to the major fundamentalist players on the field today -- Jerry Falwell (who at the time of publication was still amongst the living),T. W. Chriswell, Pat Robertson, James Kennedy, Francis Shaeffer, and James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, whom I find to be the most particularly frightening. I found it most interesting that the one major Christian player that the author does not have a problem with is Billy Graham. He talks about how Graham loves homosexuals and how he refuses to speak for God on subjects like who is getting into heaven.

He speaks on subjects like "absolute values" and how fundamentalists have come to attack fellow Christians if their viewpoints are not aligned exactly with theirs -- in this case if a fellow Christian is "soft" on gays. He goes on to show how fundamentalism has worked its way into the political arena and how most of the players are attempting to make the US a "Christian" nation. According to White, the fundamentalist will not rest until the separation of church and state is done away with.

Coming from a strong fundamentalist background myself, I can honestly say that I have seen first-hand this happening in my church and in the churches I have attended in the past. Congregations are constantly preached to and bombarded about the evils of homosexuality. You know the saying...if you say it long enough, you will begin to believe it. Not only do people believe it, but I have found that the vast majority of church-goers (at least the ones I have come in contact with) are rarely thinking individuals. Most are perfectly happy being told what to believe without bothering to question it.

Also, I live in the South, where anti-gay sentiment is very prevalent. This book was not only eye-opening but frightening as well. I would encourage every gay American to read it as we are the ones who stand to loose what rights we already have not to mention the ones that we are still fighting for. If you are interested, it can easily be found on Amazon in the used section for a lot less than the retail price.

Sad About the Tigers...

2008-04-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry my team lost ... They had a good run...

GO TIGERS GO!!!!!!

2008-04-07T07:19:00.000-07:00

Here's to my Alma Mater as we win the Championship tonite!!!

Made It Back and Proudly Eating at MacDonald's...

2008-04-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

Well, the boi finally made it back from Philly. It was not without its trubs, however. My friend that I went to visit dropped me off at the airport and I went inside to check in only to find that half of the Northwest flights had been cancelled due to some mechanical problem or other. I figure they knew I was coming and the airport gods wanted to throw a wrench in my plans... The succeeded...As it turns out, they put me on the 6:15 AM flight out the next morning and put me up in a lovely (not) Ramada Inn near the airport. No sooner than I got my shit unloaded, I hauled ass back into Philly. I called my friend and he said he would come back in so we could have dinner, but he had to go back to work and wait for traffic to die down some and even then it takes about 50 minutes or so to get back, so I figured I had about 3 hours or so of being left to my own devices... I made good use of my time...I went to the local leather bar and met a real nice guy who has an MBA from Princeton and a penthouse apartment. As my friend that I came to visit so snidely pointed out, it was a step up from the fry cook I was interested in. My friend came back into town and I met him at Woody's (I just love the names of gay bars) and we had a drink or two and went to eat at Sole Food in the Lowe's Hotel. VERY NICE. Nice atmosphere and nice food.

Then it was time for my friend to head back. Trouble was it had stated raining and he had forgotten where he had parked his car. Can you believe it. It was pouring rain and we were running around in circles, or should I say squares since we were navigating city blocks. FINALLY we found the car. Then I had to get up at 4 the next morning to catch my plane to Memphis via Minneapolis. I love the logic there. Eventually, I made it home.

On another note, I just received an email saying that the MacDonald's Corporation has just become a member of the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. Part of what the NGLCC does is to promote growth and development of LGBT businesses. More than just showing token support, MacDonalds's has become a Corporate Partner and Organizational Ally of the NGLCC. I received this email on a mass mailing from a conservative organization wanting readers to send email to MacDonald's in opposition to this move. I took this opportunity to use the link and email my congratulations and support for making such positive and powerful statement in support of the gay community. Yet another reason to order those sinfully delicious (and yet bad for you) french fries...

The Boi is Coming Home...

2008-04-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I will be returning to Memphis from Philly...I have had a WONDERFUL time but I am sad to be leaving my friend, especially for life in Memphis of all places. Why is it that the grass is always greener. Wow - what a weekend...Friday we hung out in West Chester which is one of the quaintest towns I have been in. It's downtown is small and picturesque...Saturday we got up and drove into Philly. First we went to an up and coming district on the cusp of change (read: next to the ghetto) called Northern Liberties. We had lunch at a bar there and went into some shops. But, hunny, let me tell you the ghettos we went thru to get there. It was SOMETHING...And I thought Memphis was bad... Wow. They just kept going and going...

After we got situated at the hotel, we wandered around downtown Philly. REALLY nice town. It did not have that big city feel to it at all. But once you have been weaned on New York as your big city, then Philly is not at all intimidating. We saw Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell. Then we went wandering around the "gayborhood". After dinner, we went to several of the bars there and had a good time. I met some interesting but cute locals.

Next day we came home and watched part of the Memphis game (GO TIGERS). Now let me say that I have 2 degrees from the University of Memphis and I have a certain friend that is maniacally obsessed with the basketball program to the point of mental illness, despite the fact that she never graduated from there...I thought it would be funny to call her at the beginning of the game and tell her that my friend and I had a huge fight and I was in a cab going to the airport, crying my eyes out. He told me she wouldn't answer the phone. Probably right.

Well, in a little bit I will be leaving for the airport to come home...Ahhhhh....vacations. Unfortunately I have to go back to the real world tomorrow (bleck).

The Bitch Has Gone A'Travelin'...

2008-03-28T07:34:00.000-07:00

Well peeps, it seems I have made it alive and well in the city of Brotherly Love. It was not without its mishaps, however...I sat on the damn runway for A FUCKING HOUR in the Memphis heat without air before the morons decided they didn't need ground air to fly and keep passengers comfortable. So we take off -- dude sitting next to me is reading the Bible, which I am totally cool with, and I am reading a book about where the Christian right went wrong (I'll post about that later. Eventually, I arrived in Philly to find it was cooler (read: colder) that I expected.

We had dinner at a lovely sushi restaurant downtown, and went to three of the local gay bars, where we met some interesting creatures. Hey, I got one hot dance out of one of them before my friend decided to drag me home...So, here I am in West Chester...He is still asleep and I am just kind of stirring now... If I get a chance, I'll update....

Happy Easter, Bitches...

2008-03-21T12:58:00.001-07:00

The Phantom Date

2008-03-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

Ok peeps, here is the story behind the date that did not happen. Last time I saw New Guy was Sunday afternoon when he was working at the bar. I asked him where he would like to go for dinner and he said "surprise me". Ok -- so I put some time into thinking where we should go, what would be a nice place, where he may not have gone...that sort of thing. I give him a call on Monday to say hi and see what's up - no answer, so I leave a message. Did not get a call back. So I call the next morning - same thing, but being at work he would be busy so I didn't think much about it. Later that night (the night we were supposed to go out) I called and left a message saying that I figured he was busy and just to meet me at the restaurant at 8 pm after my exercise class. Then and only then, 2 HOURS BEFORE THE SUPPOSED DATE I get a call saying he can't go because he forgot his brother's birthday party. There are so many ways I could go with this I wont even start. Give me a break. This did not come as a complete surprise. As I mentioned earlier, I went to the bar to see him the other night. As it happens, the owner of the bar had purchased a PlayStation for the customers at the bar to use. New Guy was making good use of said PlayStation. For two hours straight. Call me stupid - or even a variety of other things which I richly deserve - but as much as I liked this guy, I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Period. I am not going to settle for that. But more than anything, it really hurt my feelings. I really liked this one and he was the only one that I have introduced to my friends. My friends all told me I was too good to be chasing after a fry cook. I don't necessarily think that I am better than anyone because of their chosen profession, but I have come to the conclusion that I deserve better than what I got. Oh, and did I mention that I still haven't heard from him? Nothing. Not even a call pretending to say he was sorry for ditching me.

A friend of mine, who incidentally tends bar at the very same bar where New Guy works, gave me some advice a long time ago that seems not to have sunk into my thick head. He told me "Men. Are. Pigs." He is truly a sage amongst men. This time, I think I believe him. I have come to the conclusion that basically men are good for one thing and one thing only. And you know what it is. That and leaving - I guess that makes two things. So I have officially sworn off men, at least for dating purposes. I think I will stick to the two things that men are apparently good at...

Date Update...

2008-03-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. The bastard ditched me... Will post more later.

Date Night...

2008-03-18T08:51:00.001-07:00

Well, it is a couple of weeks later and I still haven't scared New Guy off as of yet. Tonite we are going on our first real date (not counting beers at a local gay bar). It is fairly difficult for him to get off work to go out as he works two full time jobs. It is still WAY too early to tell if this will work out or not. I have never been in a relationship before and the chances are huge that I will fuck it up somehow. Add to the fact that we really don't know each other. I like what I know so far, but we have only known each other a couple of weeks. Honestly, how much of that is "knowing" someone and how much is pure animal lust? I thought so... So we shall see what we shall see. Far as I know, I really like hanging around him and I think he feels the same. I'm not at all nervous about going out tonite - actually, I'm looking forward to it - but at the same time, my short history with the sterling gents of Memphis has left me a bit cynical and jaded. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with him. I saw him a couple of times this weekend and that went real good.

Speaking of the sterling gents of Memphis, I bumped into the first guy that ever asked me out. I was at the bar where New Guy works and in he walks. I thought awwwwwwww--shitshitshitshitfuckdamnfuckingshit. Almost a year ago, I went out with this guy against the better advice of good gay bartenders everywhere. They were all unanimous in their advice of STAY THE HELL AWAY. Did I heed their advice??? Are Baptists open-minded? Hell no I didn't stay away. Much drama ensued as a result. He is one of those that is all about the chase and I fell right into it. Apparently he enjoys head games and has probably won a gold medal in the Head Olympics for them. The last time we went out in September, he had already started playing games and tried to corner me into a relationship and when I said that wasn't happening he started crying (crocodile tears). I remember going to pay the bar bill and he just got up and walked out - no good bye, nothing -- just left. I took this as a ploy for me to chase after him. Hell no -- good riddance. The other night, when he saw me, he came over to where I was by the bar and slopped sugar all over me and wanted to know how I was and all that crap. (It's a wonder I didn't throw up on him). Later when his friend had gone somewhere, I said its been a long time since I have seen you...I also said if memory serves correctly, that he walked out on me the last time I saw him. He admitted to doing so. Naturally, I inquired as to why and he said I was all hung up on my best friend (all up in his ass were his exact words, I believe) as he looked at me like he were trying to bore holes in steel. I calmly said that if my friend is nothing more than my best friend, then I am extremely fortunate as I know he cares about me and that he would not do anything to hurt me --two things I could say never say about him. Long, hard stare again. He said he hoped I found what I was looking for and he meant that with respect. I stared back just as hard and said thank you and I mean that with respect and I turned and walked out. I was quite proud of myself that night if I do say so. I knew one day that encounter was coming. Bad thing is, he is just so damned good looking and I am a sucker for a good looking guy and tend to cave. But I persevered in the face of adversity and overcame.

So, tonite is the night and we will see how it goes... Will post more later...

A Turn of Good Fortune...

2008-03-04T14:16:00.000-08:00

I know, I know - I haven't posted in some time now. A fact that is only evident to my one loyal Internet reader. Things have been busy and not much noteworthy to report. Until now. I have met someone. Someone I realllllllly like. Someone that likes me too. The fact that he likes me is probably an indication of some latent, maniacal disorder too frightening to ponder. But for the time being - he is perfect. I met him at one of the local gay bars where a friend of mine is a bartender. I was up there at the bar to visit my friend when I saw the cutest guy in the whole world sitting across from me. He is a little stockier than me and had this headful of curly hair and a beard. I melted. (Aside: If any of my friends within striking distance reads this - I do not wish to be teased for I am a vengeful person with a long memory) I asked my friend to let him know that I thought he was cute and he did. Turns out hottie works at the bar as a cook. Hottie comes back in and smiles at me and that is pretty much it. I was way to shy all of a sudden to go up to him and say something. So I left and didn't see him again until last Friday night.

As it happens, two of my friends go to this particular bar to see the drag show. Hottie comes up to me and says he was sorry for being an ass (he never was) but that he thought that I was someone else. He said after I left, the bartender kept saying that I was not who he thought he was. We spent the rest of the evening holding hands, watching the drag show in the company of my two friends (which was a big deal for me anyway). We played a little of bad pool and had a genuinely fun time. Before I left I told him I would try to stop by the next night. He actually seemed pleased at this, and I wondered again what could possibly be wrong with the boy.

I did go back two times this weekend to see him and I had a few beers with him this past Tuesday night. I know this is the GAYEST thing I could possibly say, but he has the prettiest eyes and smile. One bad thing - he works two full time jobs, so his free time is very limited. Hopefully, I wont scare this one off. I plan to take it real slow. We shall see what we shall see. I'll update when I know something more...

As My World Seems to Turn Lately...

2008-02-22T08:44:00.000-08:00

Well, I made it thru another birthday. Last Saturday night my friends took myself and another friend (whose birthday was last Sat. -- we always do our birthdays together) to dinner at this really cool restaurant that is above BB King's club on Beale Street here in Memphis. I have been before and it is incredible. Following that, we went for cocktails at Mollie Fontaine's Lounge, one of my faves... Later that evening, a friend called me and wanted to know if I wanted to know if I wanted to go dancing. I did and met a really cool and hot guy. Long story short... cool, hot guy, who I will call Cowboy went home with me. WOW. This was a really huge deal for me for several reasons. First, it did WONDERS for my self-esteem. It made me realize that there is at least a slim to midlin chance that someone I am really, really attracted to can be attracted to me back. It is still hard to believe that this guy left with me when he could have had any guy there. Another reason that this happened is it was a reaction to a friend moving that I have feelings for. I haven't told a lot of people this, but there is a huge amount of hurt involved with him leaving - on my part. This move is good for him and I don't begrudge him any happiness at all. But it has left a huge void in my life that cowboy walked right into and temporarily filled. And it was completely worth it to feel that way and have the hurt be taken away, even if for one night. I didn't look for this to happen, but it did and there it is. And unfortunately, not all of my friends have really understood it, but that is their deal -- not mine. But anyway... I would LOVE it if something more comes from it, but if it doesn't, it doesn't. That one night was special enough for a lifetime. But he did give me his number and said he definitely wanted to get together again. I would love nothing more, but I'm not getting my hopes if it doesn't.

On another note, I had what might be called a "semi-date" last night. I met this guy and we met for coffee. This guy was really nice. He didn't rock my world, but he seemed normal, as in "not a freak", which is a huge deal considering some of the people I have met this year. We talked for about an hour and he seems like a sweet guy. His background is a lot like mine and his parents don't know that he is gay, we both did the church thing, etc. We have agreed to see each other again. I don't know if anything will ever come of if or if we will just have a friendship. Even if it is only a friendship, I think this guy would be a good friend. It will be interesting to see where this goes... I will provide an update later...I'll see what trouble I can stir up this weekend...

A friend just emailed me this joke... forgive me if you have heard it before, but it still makes me laugh...

"Hello?"

Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause,

Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down
on the table, run upstairs And knock on the bedroom door and shout to
Mommy,That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway

"Okay, Daddy, Just a minute."

A few minutes later The little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it, Daddy."

"And what happened, honey?" He asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on
and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now
she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.

He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the
swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the
water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

Long Pause

Longer Pause

Even Longer Pause

Then Daddy says,

"Swimming pool? ............

Is this 486-5731?"

No, I think you have the wrong number.......

7 Kinds of ...

2008-02-15T12:06:00.000-08:00

Results of a recent research, shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your partner any more. He takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least,

The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But, not enough to enjoy yourself.

Dare I ask what stage you are in???

The Big 39...

2008-02-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

That's right, peeps. I have somehow managed to make it another year without killing or maiming myself or someone else, either on purpose or purely by accident. That is a noteworthy task in and of itself. For that, I feel I deserve a drink (or as we say down South here...a "drank"). Tonite I am going with my parents and a dear friend to eat at my favorite restaurant, Houstons. Today has been a good birthday. My co-workers took me out to lunch and I got numerous calls and emails wishing me a good day. The most special was from my friend who just moved and it made my day to hear from him.

My real fun time is going to be Saturday. I am going to Beale Street (for you Yankees and other non-southerners...the Birthplace of the Blues) for dinner with a few friends at a new, very chic restaurant called Ittabena, followed by drinks with more friends at Mollie Fontaine's, a really cool lounge situated in a historic Victorian home near downtown Memphis. I am really fortunate not only to be here (health scare a few years back involving the heart that I just can't seem to find these days...I'm sure its here somewhere...oh, that's right -- in the icebox) but also to be surrounded by so many people that care about me and love me despite myself. Yes, this is going to be a good week...

A Kernel of Truth...

2008-02-12T07:27:00.000-08:00

I saw this recently and thought it was too good not to post. It is the philosophy of Peanuts creatory Charles Schultz, who passed away not too long ago. This isn't one you have to answer and pass along, just read it and think about it...

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.

4. Name ten people who have won th Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor or actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

The point is, none of us remembers the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. The awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here are some more questions. See if you can answer these any better.

1. List a few teachers who aided you along your journey throught school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Mane five people who have taught you something important.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier??? The people who make a difference in you life are not the ones with the most credentials or money...they are the ones that care. All that said...I would enjoy spending time with the three bois in these picutres...I could certainly find something to appreciate about each of them (for instance, they all look like they are real nice to their mothers) I know, I know... I'm going straight to hell...

One Big Ass Tornado

2008-02-08T13:36:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of one of the tornados that hit Memphis last Tuesday. A friend of mine took this picture at his work looking back toward his house, in the direction of the tornado. The tornado jumped over their house and landed several streets away. They did not have any damage. Others were not so lucky... This tornado occured in Bartlett, a tiny town surrouded on all sides by Memphis. My parents live there. Forutnately they did not have any damage either. I did not actually see a tornado but I was in an area, driving my car no less, where conditions were more than favorable for one to form. Its only when you see a picture like this, that most of us realized how VERY fortunate we were. I talked to a guy at my gym that was in the immediate vicinity of the other tornado we had. He had to pull under an overpass and it was raining so hard he could not see to the end of his hood. He finally got thru on his cell phone to his boss and said pray for me. He said he really thought his number was up. Kinda makes you stop and think...

The Day After...

2008-02-06T06:39:00.001-08:00

Turns out yesterday was a major landmark day for me in more ways than one. First, my friend left for Philadelphia yesterday morning. I had to say goodbye the night before, which was not has difficult as I had originally anticipated. He went out of his way to make the goodbyes easier for his friends. That is not to say that I did not cry all the way home in the car. I did -- buckets. He hit the road yesterday morning but had asked me to supervise the movers loading up his stuff from the storage unit. Apparently, there was some question as to what was going and what was staying. I had a list that was vauge. I think I sent more stuff than he was acutally wanting, but the movers said they would bring back what he didn't want to keep. That was really hard, watching all his stuff leave...much harder than saying goodbye.

So I go to work and try to make it thru the day, which turned out to be very interesting. I go to court (since I work in the criminal justice system) and walk into the courtroom to see if anyone on my side needed any help. I am sitting on the front row, working my crossword and minding my own bidness and the judge asks all attorneys to approach the bench and then excuses the jury from the courtroom. I was told that my uncle was on the jury and passed a note to the judge saying he knew me. I NEVER saw him in the box, becuase I looked, as I always do, to see if there were any cute jurors (there weren't). So they bring him back in and the judge questions him as to his realtionship with me and if he can be fair and all that. Blah, blah, blah, yank, yank, yank. He said he could. Then the prosecution and the defense argue... about me. Then motions are filed...about me. All I wanted to do was to finish my crossword and go to lunch. But I decided since I caused all this drama simply by walking into the room, I better not leave yet. My uncle was eventually excused from jury service and the public defender was so apologetic about wanting him kicked off. I assured her it was no big deal. I completely understand why she had to do it. Finally I got to eat lunch. All this to say there was not a lot of time to miss my friend at work.

THEN -- the tornados came. Got off work in horrendous conditions and had to stop at Home Depot to get a flashlight because I don't have a good one at home. Sirens are going off meaning there is a tornado on the ground somewhere in the county. I go in the store and they are about to lock the front doors and they WANT TO LOCK ME AND OTHER CUSTOMERS THE TRAINING ROOM!!!!! Awwww hailllll naaawwww... I absofuckingloutely REFUSE to be found dead in a pile of bodies in a back room at Home Depot. I said I would take my chances in the storm. I hauled ass, got my flashlight and got the F outta there. I raced home, changed clothes and grabbed candles, flashlights, and most importantly 2 bottles of wine and proceed to drive to my friend's house. (I absloutely HATE to be alone in a storm like this -- makes me crazy). I have a history of waiting till a tornado is close by and then get in my car to go somewhere. Yesterday was no exception. Sirens still screaming. About halfway to her house I started to get really scared. It stopped raining and the sky looked really bad. The clouds were very low and spooky and it had gone green in a matter of minutes. I have never seen conditions like this. Even the lightning was different. It was almost like it was raining lightning. I kept thinking "why in the HELL do I keep DOING this?" I finally made it to my friend's house and the news said there were two tornados in our area, one relatively close to her house. That one could be seen on tv by a camera on top of a nearby hotel. It damaged a nearby shopping mall pretty bad and killed three people just further south in Memphis. It was only this morning that the news showed the extent of the damage. They are anticipating that tornado to have been an F3. The news this morning also said that what happened was not only the hot air in the south meeting the really cold air from the north, but there were two jet streams, one from the west and one from the south collided over our area and started everything spinning. And it spun hell outta control. It was pretty scary. One tornado tore up some dorms at Union University in Jackson, Tennessee which is just a hop, skip and a jump from us up the interstate. No one was killed there, but Jackson in a tornado magnent. This is the third time in just a few years they have been hit by a tornado. Scary.

Again...not a lot of time to feel bad about my friend leaving amidst all that...I did talk to him and he had made it about halfway there and requested that if we got "blown away" to be sure and call him and let him know... I think I said something ugly in response. Hopefully, today will be less dramatic...I am making plans for my birthday, which is next week. The big 39. That will be kind of bittersweet. I am going out to dinner with a large group of friends and for drinks after with even more. But one wont be there. Anyway, long road ahead of me and I have just started it. Wonder what today will bring...

Even More Useless Information...

2008-01-31T09:41:00.000-08:00

I am proud to offer even MORE useless information about myself. You can tell I am bored and there is nothing to blog about today… Mindless questions and eye-candy…life just can’t get any better than this. Actually, it can…

Your ex is on the side of the road on fire. What do you do?
I would like to think I would help him out…But since I have no ex, this is purely rhetorical…If it was a bad breakup, I may just enjoy the show…

Your best friend tells you she is pregnant. What is your reaction?
My God, the Immaculate Conception has struck again?!?!?! One of my best friends is gay and I tell him he LOOKS pregnant (that bump, you know…)

When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
geez…that is a constant feeling these days…

Congratulations! You just had a son. What's his name?
Hard to say – haven’t thought much about it and can’t come up with one on the spur of the moment.

Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What's her name?
see above…

What are you craving right now?
something hot because I’m freezing…oh – you were asking about FOOD…

What was the last thing you cried about?
Way too personal to answer here…

When you buy something and your change is a penny. Do you keep it or tell the cashier to keep it?
tell the cashier to keep it…

What color is your tissue box?
I think it is yellow...

Do you have a ceiling fan in your room, and if so, is there dust on that fan?
there is one in my room, and you got me…there is dust on it…

What is the last voicemail you received about?
one of my friends going on about something or other

Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?
coming out

What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
chicken quesadillas and a meximelt – mmmmmmmmmm!!

Have you ever had a garage sale?
GOD yes, I am the coordinator for the neighborhood yard sale in June – last year we had over 60 homes participate (I hate doing that damn yard sale)

When was the last alcoholic beverage you had?
numerous glasses of wine -- last night

Are you happy right now?
Moderately so

Who came over last?
to my house…my dad, I think…

Do you drink beer?
Please…you can look at me at tell I do…

Dark or light jeans?
both

What was the last movie you watched at home?
Further Tales of the City

What is in your pocket?
keys, wallet, and cellphone

Who introduced you to your boyfriend?
what boyfriend?

Where do you hurt?
my heart

What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart?
I. Do. Not. Do. Wal-Mart… thank you very much.

When is your birthday?
Feb 13

What are you going to do after this?
go to lunch

What is your favorite dessert?
key lime pie, crème brulee, banana pudding, anything caramel

Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
nope

Is someone in love with you?
To my knowledge, sadly, no.

Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
I hope not.

Does someone like you right now?
I hope

Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
OH Pleeeenttttyyyy… (my job deals with crime)

Do you like the color green?
Green is my very favorite color…

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I hope...and I hope its good...

Crazy Week...

2008-01-29T06:38:00.000-08:00

WOW - things have been kind of hectic and/or crazy on my end lately so that is why I haven't posted. First of all, I have been sick. Normally, I am not one to fall ill often, but when I do...watch out. I am not an easy patient. Well, you know what I mean... I have had the stomach virus from HELL. Enough said. Though, I do think it is shitty that the weight one looses when one is sick COMES RIGHT BACK. That is just not right. That should be a perk for getting thru the illness, but, no...

Also, one of my best friends is leaving town in a week, and I am not having an easy time of it at all. It is always difficult for me to say goodbye to anyone I am close to, and for the most part, I have been spared this hurt. This time, it is pretty brutal. It has been a pretty emotional week for me. I am one that can deal with my emotions, but my friend does not deal with them well, . Sometimes I think he doesn't care. I know that is not the case, but that is what it often feels like. Add to that that he leaves in exactly one week, and so my emotions have pretty much been worn on my sleeve. I know this is not going to be easy and I am afraid things will get harder before they get better. I am especially thankful for a handful of friends, both here and in Florida, who have been willing to listen and lend me their shoulders. They have been true gems I am eternally grateful for their support.

And there has been some tension with some old friends that feel that I haven't been around enough or attentive enough in the past few months. I admit that this has been the case as this past 6 months my life has been completely upside down for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I am still trying to find my way in the gay lifestyle and reconcile it to what I have known and been taught all my life. However, I feel I should be cut some slack in this in that this is one of my oldest friendships and it would certainly be expected of me if the shoe were on the other foot. So I have had to deal with that stress which I really did not need at the moment. So hopefully all that drama is over.

On top of that, work pretty much sucks right now as I am trying to get caught up after being gone for a couple of days. I am just hoping to make the winter months (which I hate). I am desperately waiting for spring to come as the warm weather is so therapeutic and I will be going on a couple of trips in the spring. I will be going to see my friend in Philly hopefully in March and in April I will go for 2 weeks to see my aunt in Sarasota. I REALLLLY need the beach right about now. Sorry this post is pretty heavy, but that is what I am dealing with right about now. On a lighter note... one of these guys would certainly make me feel better. If anyone knows where to find them, please, give a brotha a hand here...

Something to think about...

2008-01-18T09:40:00.000-08:00

Some of you may have read this before. It comes to us from the mind of George Carlin, which can sometimes be a scary place to visit. I just came across this recently and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I would share it...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

2008-01-16T06:55:00.000-08:00

OK -- You people know how much I love these little questionnaires. This one comes courtesy of Java. Thanks, babe...

1. What is in the back seat of your car (truck) right now? Several ties that I took off that I have not bothered to take inside, a couple of books, and an umbrella.

2. When was the last time you threw up? Can't really remember when. It's been awhile. I don't get sick that often. However, I was sure I was going to Saturday night, despite the fact that my best friend was dubious and thought I was just wanting to meet a hot cowboy. BTW, I really did feel sick...

3. What’s your favorite curse word? FUCK is the best, but any derivative, like "fucktard" is always fun too.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? I afraid that's not possible.

5. What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning? Driving to work

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Just walking inside the building at work.

7. Where were you born? Memphis, Tennessee

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Not a regular one, but I have been to a gay bar that had male strippers, but technically not a strip club.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? Sang Happy Birthday to a coworker.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? That's a hard one. It's difficult to find a bad flavor. I like chocolate, rocky road, french vanilla, key lime, strawberry and probably anything else put in front of me.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee.

12. What are you wearing right now? Khaki pants, brown shirt and tie.

13. What was the last thing you ate? A bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Yummmmm.

14. Have you bought any new clothes this week? Of course -- I'm a gay man. Internet shopping, you know...

15. Where were you last? That's an odd question: Where were I last? I guess I was at home before I left for work...

16. What's the last sporting event you watched? Who won? Not really into sports, but I caught part of the LSU game last week in a bar. LSU won big time.

17. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message while blogging? Java. The person I thieved this meme from... :-)

18. Where do you live? Memphis, Tennessee

19. What song are you listening to? A commercial on the radio.

20. Do you tan? For the most part I don't go to the tanning bed, but I actually tan wonderfully. Fat looks so much better when tanned.

21. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Sometimes.

22. What did your last text message say? I do not text. I think texting, along with reality tv, is the downfall of western civilization.

23. Who's your best friend? I am blessed with two: Lisa and Marshall.

24. What are you doing tomorrow? Same thing as today. Going to work and then to work out.

25. Where is your mom right now? Teaching school here in Memphis.

26. Look to your right, what do you see? An empty cubicle, which really doesn't bother me since I am feeling pretty anti-social right now.

27. What do you think of when you think of where you live? Disappointment if anything. Memphis has such potential but it is run by a corrupt government that panders to and creates racial tension for the purpose of keeping the corrupt in power. Memphis is a beautiful, cultural, crime-ridden city that is wasting away before our eyes. We are only one step above New Orleans.

28. Ever ridden on a roller coaster? LOVE roller coasters!!! But I have this little heart problem and the doctors tell me to stay away from them. :-(

29. What is your birthstone? Amethyst

30. Do you go in at a fast-food place or just hit the drive through? Drive thru.

31. What is your favorite number? I like either 3 or 5.

32. Do you have a dog? GOD NO. I will have to tell you about Lisa's...

33. Last person you talked to on the phone? My mom.

34. Have you met anyone famous? Dolly Parton, Joan Collins, Linda Evans, Naomi Judd, Rosanne Cash, Dixie Carter, Paula Deen...there are some more, but I can't remember them...

35. Any plans today? Shit, I just hope to get thru the day.

36. How many states have you lived in? 2 -- Tennessee and Alabama.

37. Ever go to college? Best 7 and 1/2 years of my life. Undergraduate degree: Bachelor of Professional Studies, Legal Management and Organizational Communication. Masters: Criminal Justice. University of Memphis for both.

38. Where are you right now? Sitting at my desk.

39. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? People.

40. Are you struggling to forgive someone right now? Very much so.

41. Are you allergic to anything? Penicillin and idiots (not necessarily in that order).

42. Favorite pair of shoes? Pair of really funky cowboy boots that I recently bought.

Tough Time...

2008-01-04T07:44:00.001-08:00

This is a hard post to write, possibly the hardest one I will ever write and will probably explain why I haven't posted in awhile. In less than a month, one of my two best friends is moving away from Memphis. Long and short of it is - I'm not having an easy time of it. At all. I debated on whether or not to post something so intensely personal, but then I thought, hell - this is my blog and writing has always proved to be cathartic. So there. Not to mention, it will be interesting to read this again in 6 months from (hopefully) a different and less painful perspective.

I'll be honest -- it is hard to write this as I am on the edge of tears even now. I can't find the words to express the thought of not being around someone I have grown to care about so much. Although I have known this person for almost 15 years, the last 6 months have been life-changing. I have come to know the kindest and most sensitive person. If you knew him, you would know that the words "kind" and "sensitive" are not the first words that come to mind. He is anxious to leave Memphis and start over. I certainly understand that for I have seen the need in my own life to get away, but I will admit here that I have been too chicken-shit to actually do anything about it. All the practical and common sense reasons point to why it is good thing for him to go -- but, God, it hurts.

On top of that, it is hard for me to tell him how much he means to me as well as to his other friends. I take that back -- it is easy for me to tell him, which I have done, but it is not so easy to get him to really understand what he means to his friends and why they truly care about him and love him so much.

So, anyway, it is not easy facing the prospect of such a good friend being gone. There will definitely be a big hole in my life that I will have to learn to deal with. And it will be hard to go to all of our favorite haunts by myself. I will go. I certainly have the confidence in myself to go, even alone and have fun, but there will be so many memories attached that I wont be able to avoid.

I am throwing a going away party for him this weekend. I figure there will be about 25 people in my tiny (and I do mean tiny) house. I hope this thing goes off well and doesn't turn into a complete disaster. I am hardly Martha Stewart. Anyhoo --sorry I haven't blogged for so long. There has been a lot going on and it has been rather distracting. Thanks for reading...

Kiss Off 2007

2007-12-28T12:01:00.000-08:00

Wow! Another year has gone by. Can you believe it. They seem to go by so much quicker with each passing year. It REALLLLLY doesn't seem like 12 months ago since the last New Year's Eve party. It really doesn't. Yet so much has happened in these 12 short months. For me, by far the biggest, was coming out to my friends and learning to find my way in the gay community. I have certainly made my share of mistakes in this short time and I have a feeling that I will be trying to find my way for some time to come. The end of the year always brings about some form of introspection. Perhaps that is what the end of the year is for...to see where we have been so we can see where to go. Generally, I, like most other lazy Americans, will make the same January resolution to loose weight or some other such silliness. But something happened yesterday to change my perspective on the way I view the end of the year. That thing was the assination of Benazir Bhutto. What a waste. This woman loved her country and was trying, against horrible opposition, her best to make it more liveable and fair for all of its citizens. And they had to kill her for that. At the end of this year, her story tells me to stand for what I believe is right. She certainly. Many would say look what it got her. It got her message of peace and democracy out to the world. One person can make a difference, even when they are gone. With all this said, I want to look forward to another year of opportunities and blessings. I hope each of you has a SAFE and JOYFUL New Year.

Merry Christmas to all...

2007-12-19T08:05:00.001-08:00

I wanted to take this opportunity to say a heartfelt Merry Christmas to all my fellow bloggers out there. Since I wont have access to a computer for the next few days, I decided to send out these wishes now. I hope every one of you out there has the best holiday. Take time to be thankful for your family and friends and love each other...

Inquiring Minds...

2007-12-07T10:39:00.000-08:00

OK -- I shamelessly stole this from Anonyboy, but I don't feel like a complete thief since he admitted to stealing it first.

Would you get back with an ex if you could? Don' really have one...

What kind of shirt are you wearing? Dress shirt and a tie.

Have you made out with anyone on your MySpace list? That would be a yes.

Do you have a "thing" for anyone in your top 8? See above answer.

How many people on your list do you know in real life? Every last one of them, except for the Tom guy.

How many kids do you want to have? None.

Do you have a good relationship with both of your parents? Good relationship with my dad, not so great with my mom.

Do you make over 40K a year? By the skin of my teeth.

Name one song you can relate to right now? "Holding Out For A Hero"

What name would you want to have besides the one you have? not sure, but something tough and sexy

Would you ever make out with someone of the same sex? To quote Anonyboy who: "Of course not! Wait... Hell yes!" -- I can't add anything to that...

What did you do for your last birthday? Went out to dinner with very good friends.

What's your main ringtone on your phone? Just the plain ol ring that come on it. Sounds like an old rotary phone.

What time did you wake up? 5:41. I was painfully aware of the exact moment as I had a slight headache from last evening.

What were you doing at midnight two nights ago? Asleep, like all decent people should be.

How many exes are on your friends list? Thankfully - none.

Holidays are here...

2007-12-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

Ok peeps-- I realize I haven't posted in awhile. Things have been busy for me and I have just not had the time to sit at the computer and let the creative juices flow. Plus, THANKFULLY, I have been a relatively drama free zone for some time. However good that may be for me, it doesn't do much for the blog. Yesterday, I was asked to play Santa Claus at a Chirstmas party this week. I have never played Santa and am very excited; however, I humbly realize that I share some less than appealing physical similarities with ol Saint Nick. My dearest friend, the gentle and sweet soul that he is (NOT) said that the idea of me playing Santa was so ripe with things he could say that he didn't know where to begin. I suggested that he not even try. Anyway, tis the season for Christmas parties!!! I LOVE a good Christmas party. One of the parties I'm going to this weekend has a theme of tacky Christmas sweaters. I don't have a tacky sweater, Chirstmas or otherwise and it troubles me that people would assume that I would. People...come on. Also, I have been proud of myself that I have not eaten myself into a sugar coma. I guess I shouldnt be to prideful, as I haven't been to my first Christmas part yet. So with the lack of drama to report or meaningful insights to impart, I offer the following funnies for your entertainment. DISCLAIMER: Please be aware that any jokes I offer are bound to be politically incorrect and have the potential to offend. If you are offended, then my mission is complete...

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Texan are all working together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each on you one wish, which is three wishes in total", says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our precious land."

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Texan says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable."

The Texan sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, "Fill it with water."

________________________

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, “Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?”

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, “First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, “Uh... no, I didn't know that.”

“Secondly,” says the lawyer, “My brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children.”

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

“Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, “I'm so sorry, I had no idea.”

And the lawyer says, “So...if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?”

Aftermath of Bird Day...

2007-11-26T13:49:00.000-08:00

Nowhere but in the U.S. do we devote a whole day unto gathering around and eating the carcass of a large bird. I certainly put myself into a food coma. God, now I'm back at work. I have always maintained that if you get a short week at work, you WILL pay for in, one way or another. Actually, the day itself was pretty uneventful (though I did have to get out at one point and partake of an adult beverage or four). The next morning I foolishly went willingly to an area of mass commerce in order to make a return. (I bought a belt the night before The Day and STOOPID me did not try it on in the store and was horribly surprised when I discovered that the ends didn't even meet. Damn those stores and their faulty sizing.) I emerged victorious and spent the rest of the day enjoying my company. Later that evening, a friend of mine and I went to see Rent which was in town. I have seen it once and the movie countless times, but she had not so I thought what the hell. I thought it was nearly as good as the first time I had seen it. My friend dropped me off at my favorite night spot to wait for my friend that I fell for (hereafter referred to as HotAss). HotAss was supposed to meet me at the club but while I was at the show, wandered off with and individual of questionable repute (my opinion here). He met me back up there (good thing) as I had no ride and I would have had to kill him despite how fond I have grown of him. We stayed there for awhile and met some people and decided a change of venue was in order. What proceeded was nothing short of a bar tour of Memphis. Much later we decided to get something to eat.

The next day, when I went to work at my low-paying albeit fun part-time job, they told me I looked like hell. I said my friend and I had brunch. Can it still be brunch if it is at CK's Coffee Shop at 3:30 in the morning and you are as drunk as HELL? I say yes. Sounds more reputable. Needless to say, the next day was somewhat difficult to get through. Then I had to go to a tree-trimming party that night which is always a hoot. This year was no exception.

My favorite aunt from Florida was in and we had a nice visit. Except for one reallllllly minor thing that to me isn't so minor. When I was over at my friend's house (we'll call her Undisciplined Dog Lady or UDL... you have NO idea. Really, you don't) for a Christmas tree viewing, I made the comment that after her Golden Retriever got finished attacking me, that I would need to go to the Rape Crisis Center and get checked out. My lovely aunt states WITH ME IN THE ROOM that that is the only sex I have had, that she knows about, but she really doesn't know that much about me. See, I have not come out to her and there is a good reason. I DON'T WANT TO. I hate it when she fishes for clues for clues about my sexuality. The reason I don't want to tell her anything is that she tends to tell me what to do about everything, like she knows what is best for me. That is fine when she is decorating my house as she is a good decorator, but not about the gender of those to whom I am attracted. She would be totally fine with me being gay, but I just don't want her all up in my bidness. I would never hear the end of it. She would want to know every detail and all about who I am seeing or she would try to fix me up with people or God knows what else. Thank you just the same, no.

All that said, I really enjoyed the weekend and I got to see the guy I am kinda interested in...but I think I will leave that for the next post...Now, for a funny...

The Maid asked for a raise:

The Madam was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want an increase?'

Maria: Well Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.
Madam: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'The Master said so.'
Madam: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Madam: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than I?'

Maria: 'The Master did.'
Madam: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Madam (very upset now): 'Did the Master say so as well?'

Maria: 'No Senora, the gardener did.'

SHE GOT THE PAY RAISE..!

Happy Bird Day

2007-11-21T10:06:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take a moment and wish all of my blogger friends out there a happy and SAFE Thanksgiving. It has been super fun getting to know some of you and I look forward to sharing more of your lives thru your blogs. I know it's turned into a cliche, but it is always good to think on what we are thankful for. It's all about perspective, people. For me, I have SOOOOOOOOOOOO much for which to be thankful. My friends and family just to name a few. I am alive and well and I don't take that for granted since that unfortunate cardiac event a few years back. Another thing that I am grateful for is that this year I learned I (that would be me - this person sitting here at the keyboard) am actually capable of having feelings for someone. Wow. It has been a good, stressful, eventful, frightening, joyful, frustrating, exhilarating year and I am thankful for it all.

After coming out, I am in a completely different place than I was last year and that is SUCH a good thing. For the first time in my life, if feel as if life is there to be lived and lived to the fullest and although it has taken me almost 40 years, I am truly grateful that I have realized it. I hope you enjoy the time you spend with your family, friends and loved ones. Now, take a moment and be thankful for me and the eye-candy that I so graciously provide for your enjoyment.

Blessings to all...

A Funny ...

2007-11-19T14:20:00.000-08:00

It's silly, I know. But I had to share it...

Judge asked prostitute, "So when did you realize you were raped?"

Prostitute replied, wiping her tears, "When the check bounced."

Yoy know it was funny ...

The holidays are here !!!!!

2007-11-16T06:47:00.000-08:00

I am so looking forward to the holidays, especially this weekend. Tonite, a couple of friends and myself are going to the Memphis College of Art Holiday Bazaar. The local art college does this once a year around Thanksgiving where students, faculty and alums sell their art. It is really fun -- great art and I always run into people (read cute guys as well as legitimate friends). And then there is the wine. Saturday night, I am going to dinner with a few friends and following that, we are planning to go out to my new favorite hotspot, the new upscale gay bar. My favorite local jazz chanteuse plays on the weekends and I just adore her. She adores me too. I get to sit on the bench beside her as she plays (I just love favoritism, when I am the favorite). God only knows where we will end up after that. Sunday night is the really fun night. For many years now, one of my best friends has a Thanksgiving dinner at her house. FOR FORTY PEOPLE. Yes, 40. Tables are set up, fresh flowers are all over the place. Huge centerpiece on the table. It gets tight with all those people, but that is half the fun. It is very intimate, which is hard to imagine with all those people there, but really, it is. She always holds the dinner on a Sunday night so as not to interfere with everyone's holiday travel plans. We get to see people that we don't get to see all year long, due to hectic schedules, kids and such silliness. For me, this dinner is the kickoff for the holiday season. Also, this one is a little bittersweet as the one that has my heart is moving in a couple of months and this may be his last Thanksgiving dinner with us in Memphis for awhile, depending on whether or not he can get off to come back. My very favorite aunt that lives in Sarasota, Florida is flying into town today for the week. God knows what trouble we can get into or, more accurately, what she will talk me into buying for my house that I don't need nor can afford. I know I sound giddy, but I just love the holidays and am really looking forward to this week. I do have to work Monday - Wednesday, but I don't really mind going into work as so many people take time off and things are a bit more relaxed.

And now for the most important thing. I have made a magical new discovery on HGTV last night. His name is Carter Oosterhouse (sigh) and apparently he has his own show about carpentry. Something tells me he is ... ahem... quite handy. I can certainly think of a few things he could do. Just look at him. I mean take a good look. My goodness gracious...Now, if he would just call me up and ask me to marry him...Hey - a guy can dream.

Today's musing...

2007-11-14T08:33:00.000-08:00

I was trying to think of something interesting to post about and I have come to the conclusion that things have gotten pretty much back to normal for me. Unfortunately, normal can mean unintersting. Just recently, one of my dearest friends got out of a disasterous relationship (if you can call it that)...to catch up, read a couple of posts back -- I wont reinvent the wheel here. Suffice to say, that for the moment, we are all drama-free. I was filling another friend in on the lastest events a couple of days ago and we started talking about how hard it is for a guy to find another decent guy out there. I know it happens. I have read about it. I told my friend that got out of the "relationship" that he is not allowed to date anymore. And I was told that I'm not allowed to either. My track record in this area has turned out to be less than stellar. I have discovered that finding freaks is like shooting fish in a barrell -- you just can't miss. So that brings me to my question. Where in hell do I find a good one? Come on people, weigh in. Brad, if you are reading, tell me SPECIFICALLY where in Memphis I should look. Some friends have made the comment that my problem is is that I am finding guys in bars. Well DUH. Unless I am missing something, there is not many other places to meet people, at least in Memphis. Most of our city is extremely consevative, so its not like you can go to church to find someone. I guess mostly I'm getting increasing cynical about what I'm seeing out there. Based on my brief forays into the dating world as well as watching my friend and his fiasco, I'm getting to the point where the first thing I think when I meet someone, or look at them for that matter, is "what is wrong with you?" The way I look at it is that I'm a pretty good guy and I would like to think there is someone out there for me. Oh well, just ranting and being whiney today for lack of better things to do... In the meantime...lets take a look at my future husband. Something tells me he's nice to his mother...

2007-11-09T11:42:00.001-08:00

Up-Date

2007-11-05T13:47:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in the previous post, I had a date Friday night. Where to start??? I had a really nice time with K. He is a great conversationalist. We went to a mid-town restaurant and had a perfectly lovely dinner. Following that, we went for drinks to an upscale gay lounge that is new to Memphis. Had a very nice time there. He just passed his boards or something like that to be a masseuse. WOW - what hands. While were in the lounge, he was rubbing my back and neck and I felt like I was in heaven. I swear, with all the wine and neck rubbing, he could have thrown me into the trunk, taken me out in the country and cut me up in a million pieces and I wouldn't have cared less. I was tired because we had been out to a club the night before and I was fading fast, so we called it an early night. Did I mention what a GREAT kisser he is? Slap my ass and call me Judy. Phew... I cannot tell you how perfect the night was.

I will not be going out with him again.

There is ALWAYS a fly in the ointment. I wont bore you with all of this again (read the older posts to find out what happened previously on Dallas) but I was set up on this date by the semi-boyfriend of the guy I fell for this summer (one of my very dearest friends). K was the boyfriend's best friend. Follow that? No? Good. My friends' boyfriend had befriended me when he started dating my friend, presumably as a result of the circumstances of how they met (which involved me getting hurt). I thought this guy was trying to keep me from being hurt any more than I already was. Come to find out, he was saying one thing to me and another to my friend. And when I say one thing, I mean lots and lots of things. In short, he was playing both of us like a fiddle. Until my friend and I started comparing notes and realized that things aren't always as they appear. I think the ex-boyfriend is a complete freak to manipulate both of us the way he did. TOTAL head games. I'm sorry, but if you are dating someone and you want to trash them are you going to do it to your boyfriend's best friend WHILE you are telling the boyfriend that you love him? See what I was dealing with??? I'm still not sure what the reasoning behind all of this was but it no longer matters. My friend nor I want to have anything to do with behavior of this kind. I count myself very fortunate that I still have his friendship after all of this. I heard this stuff and I did not tell him. Which was wrong of me. Very wrong. He was very mad at me when he heard this - understandably so. It shows what a good guy he is that he forgave me.

The next night, we (my friend and I) went dancing and all is well with the world. That is until I woke up with the hangover. As luck would have it, before we went dancing, we went to the same lounge where I had my date, and I left with a telephone number. Let the drama resume...

Friday night...

2007-11-01T11:40:00.000-07:00

Y'all wish me luck. God knows I'm gonna need it. Looks like I have a date Friday night. If you read the post just below the mooning and flashing pumpkins, you will find that the victim will be K. He is sooooooo cute and hot. And nice to boot. I really like this guy and am somewhat nervous, but excited at the same time. And dammit, I HATE the fact that I gained a few pounds in Florida. Damn to hell those wretched french fries and their eternal siren song. Just got a call from a friend of mine and we were talking about the guy that I fell for this summer. She mentioned that he is leaving (as if I would just somehow happen to forget that fact) and that he will be gone before I know it. I hate it when people say things like that. It is just insensitive. I have been dreading that for quite a while now and just because I have come to terms with things does not make the prospect of him leaving any easier because he is still a dear, dear friend. Sorry people, I was just having a moment. Its weird to be so excited about meeting someone new and missing someone already. Of course, if anyone can screw a date up, it will be me. So pray to the date gods that I don't do or say something completely stoopid, as I am wont to do on occasion. (Despite what you may think, I am not a perfect person). As for the eye candy today, let me introduce actor Jamie Bamber. This fetching young man plays Apollo on the SciFi series Battlestar Galactaca. I have not been a viewer of this fine series, but that may have to change as it apparently has some very good things going for it...

Boo, You Bitches...

2007-10-31T12:08:00.000-07:00

The Bitch is Back...

2007-10-30T06:33:00.000-07:00

I'M BACK, PEOPLE! Thanks to Brad for giving me the nudge to get off my duff and post again. Vacation was wonderful. It was so nice to get away for a little while and regroup. The weather was...well, hot and humid. It was mostly in the low 90s and sunny. But, hey - that's better than what we had in Memphis while I was gone, from what I hear. I go to Sarasota twice a year for two weeks at a time because my job allows me so much time off (in lieu of an actual paycheck). I will admit that this time down, I got a little bored at times. Turns out, I really missed the Memphis nightlife. Sarasota has only one gay bar, despite the fact that they have more than twice the population that Memphis does. Blows my mind that I actually said something good about Memphis. I spent some time on the beach and have a lovely tan to show for it and I bought a couple pieces of art that I neither needed nor have a place for but for some reason I discovered I would cease to exist if I did not possess them. All in all, I had a very nice time and got to catch up with some friends.

Now for the really fun stuff.

Last week I went out with the boyfriend of the person that I fell for earlier this summer. Not in that way, people - get your minds out of the gutter. We just went to a club after our workout class for some drinks. Turns out, he wanted me to meet his best friend. The friend, whom I shall call K is HOT. Smoldering hot and very nice. Suffice to say, I was smitten. We spent the rest of the evening at the club getting to know each other better. Super kisser is all I'm sayin'.

With Halloween being nigh and all, I went to a party this weekend. Friends For Life, the local Memphis AIDS organization, hosted a huge costume ball at the Fairgrounds. This was my first big gay event to ever go to. WOW...I went as -- do not laugh -- the construction worker from the Village People. I went with a couple of friends, the boyfriend that set me up and K. Turns out, K had to be pretty discreet at this event as his newly exed ex was there. He spent most of the evening with one of the girls that came with us and I was off to explore the candy store, so to speak. However, at one point, the girl danced with me and said that K really liked me and that he was mine for the taking if I wanted him. Nice.

That's when I met C.

C was dancing across from me and is also hot as hell. We danced for a little while (oh, can this boy dance - I mean) and I found out he was with a couple of mutual friends. We seemed to find each other several times during the night. He asked the mutuals if we liked me and I got the stamp of approval (always a good thing). We made out a little on the dance floor and then we went outside for some fresh air. The building we were in exits into a dilapidated amusement park that has since closed down. We walked around there for awhile and he saw our big wooded roller coaster (Elvis' very favorite). He said he would have never gotten on it and I said it was really fun. We had a good time and made out a lot more outside. (I said where IS my Chapstick, bitches?). By the time we got back inside, the party was dying down and my crew had left me (seems to be an emerging theme with this group) but I had my own car so this was not a problem. We went back to the mutual friends' house and hung out there for awhile. I rolled in at about 2:30 - which if you know me, is an absolutely ungodly late hour.

Something else really nice happened at the party as well. I ran into a guy I met a couple of years ago and ... ahem ... "hung out" with him and his partner. He was surprised to see me as I was not out when I met him. I told him I had since come out to almost everyone. He hugged me and said he and his partner were very proud of me and that it was good to see me so happy and that he could tell I was really tormented when he first met me. I have to say, that was one of the most special things that someone has said to me in a long time. He made me feel so good about myself. It was nice and refreshing to discover that there are some people out there that are real, which has not been my experience with the gay community. That alone would have made my night completely worthwhile.

Sunday, the next day, I called C and we hung out all day. We had a long lunch and went downtown to the River Arts Fest late in the afternoon and then we met a couple of friends for dinner and had drinks after. Actually, we drank all afternoon, but that could reflect badly on me, so we will ignore that fact. I really like this guy. He is a breath of fresh air. Kinda like Hurricane Katrina. (He actually did a cartwheel as we crossed the street). The energy...I really enjoyed the time I spent with him and would like to see him again and we planned on lunch this week.

Yesterday, after work, I talked to K for about 45 minutes. This weekend, we are going out. I feel kinda slutty seeing two guys at the same time. A friend said you are only slutty if the clothes come off. That hasn't happened with either one of these, but, Lord its happened plenty times before. The boyfriend who set me up with K said not to worry about it, to go out with both of them and have a good time. He said I was just going thru my gay adolescence (now that I'm almost 40). Interesting turn of events. Seems like every day brings something new and different. Well, believe it or not, that's all for now. I'll keep you posted...

Life's A Beach...

2007-10-09T06:47:00.000-07:00

Well, dear fellow bloggers, I am off on a much needed vacation. Tomorrow morning I am leaving for sunny Florida. My very favorite aunt lives in Sarasota and am fortunate enough to be able to go twice a year for two weeks at a time. It is always so refreshing to leave this hellhole (that being Memphis) and go to a nice, pretty, CLEAN city where the top story on the news isn't who killed who (number 1 in the nation for violent crime) or how corrupt our corrupt mayor is (who was just re-elected last week for a 5th term, despite the fact that 57% of us didn't vote for him). Yes, I go to Sarasota to renew my sense of humanity and realize that there are nice places in this country to live. Plus, after all the drama in my life recently, it will be nice to take a step back and regroup.

Last night, I went to dinner with two very good friends for a celebration of sorts. One year ago last week, my friend ended a 12 year relationship with her partner, which was very hard for her, and that same night, I came out to her. A very tumultuous year is finally over. It's amazing how far we both have come in the span of 365 days. Wow. A year and a week ago, I was securely in the closet, and since that time, I have come out to all my close friends, fell for someone and experienced feeling something that I never knew existed. Even though that didn't work out, I have a much deeper friendship with my friend and for that I am very grateful. The events of this past year have made me feel alive for the first time in my life. Dinner was lovely. We went to a new hotel downtown and had cocktails and listened to a local jazz singer, who has also become a friend, and had dinner at the Daily Grill. Despite the fact that it was pouring rain for most of the night, it was perfect.

Here are a few picture of Sarasota and the beach I will be sitting my fat ass on. Oh, and I can't get by without putting at least one eye candy photo in for y'all.

I'll post when I get back...

It's All About Me...

2007-10-02T11:48:00.000-07:00

Well, due to a lack of relavent topics to post about, I decided to blatently steal the following concept from a friend's blog. (She did give me permission, so I am not a total thief).

50 Things I Like:

1. good friends
2. lots of wine
3. kissing
4. 4:30 Monday - Friday
5. the smell of lavender
6. reading a book
7. cheese -- ALL kinds
8. the first signs of spring
9. being in the arms of nice man
10. eating at the Dry Dock in Sarsasota, Florida at sunset
11. going to a movie
12. Christmas parties
13. the smell of the surf
14. loosing weight
15. purchasing art
16. the first crocus popping up out of the ice
17. spending time in New York City
18. antique shopping in St. Petersburg, Florida
19. getting away from the city at night and looking at the stars
20. Bosco's beer
21. sleeping late
22. sitting on my front porch with a glass of wine during the rain
23. intimacy
24. getting a tan
25. seeing a dolphin

26. buying clothes
27. Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house
28. finding a rare first edition book
29. getting a card from a friend
30. looking forward to a job I don't hate
31. seeing a good play or musical
32. a good massage
33. listening to classical jazz
34. looking at old photo albums
36. my house when it has just been cleaned
37. drinking at the top of the Hurricane in St. Pete
38. expensive bath products
39. my mattress pad warmer in the dead of winter
40. being creative with interior design
41. the smell of freshly cut grass (especially when it was not me that had to cut it)
42. going to a Memphis Redbirds game with friends and drinking beer
43. walking on a deserted stretch of beach after dark all by myself
44. burning essential oils
45. when someone really understands me
46. Rotel cheese dip (it's my crack)
47. gardenias
48. being able to say "I love you"
49. cool vintage furniture
50. knowing that I have the best friends anyone could ask for

So, that is a little glimpse into moi. Let me hear from you dear readers as to what makes you happy...

Vanity Fair

2007-09-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. It has kind of been hard with all that has gone on with me lately. I think things may have finally settled down for awhile, which is way good for me. I have been able to maintain my friendship with the person I wrote about in the previous post and while it is different, it is deeper and it is good. I consider myself very fortunate to have him as a friend. Also, I have been on two dates with a really nice guy. I don't know where it will go, but I am taking the advice that has been given me and am just having fun right now with no expectations. In a couple of weeks, I FINALLY get to get away for a little while. I will be going to Sarasota, Florida for two weeks. My favorite aunt lives there and I get to spend a lot of time down there in the spring and fall. It will be so nice to get away from my soul-sucking job for a little while and sit on the beach and be refreshed by the surf. This is the place I want to move to when I retire in 12 years. (I know it seems like a long time, but it really is not). Memphis is a cesspool of crime, corrupt politics and horrible race relations. Bad thing is, it will never get any better. I have a few friends down in Sarasota and it is hard to explain, but I really feel like I am home when I am there -- even more so than being in Memphis.

Memphis holds an annual Fair in the fall. I went last night with some friends and had a ball. Ate all manner of things that were not good for us. But we justified it by going to exercise class right before. Personally, I didn't eat as much as one particular, above-mentioned individual did. He ate everything in sight. This place has fried Oreos, turkey legs and fiddle-sticks. If it can die or fry, they have it. I tasted some fried pickles that were so good they would make you slap yo mama. And of course, there was the obligatory beer. Following the Fair, we went to a local restaurant called the Beauty Shop for drinks. This actually was an old beauty shop and you can sit under the old hair dryers and eat. It is very chic and trendy. Oh, I saw the HOTTEST guy in the whole world in there. He is a bartender at another restaurant in Memphis owned by the same woman that owns Beauty Shop. Last week, he talked to me for awhile when it was slow at the bar and he came over and said hello to me. Believe me when I say that I could give up my absolute last strand of moral fiber that I possess for this one. Alas, he is married - the wife was with him. (sigh) All in all, we had a really good time. It is nice to finally have some stability back. But knowing me, who knows how long that will last...

I'm Back

2007-09-13T14:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry for my absence in posting for so long...I have had a lot of drama and trauma lately. I believe it has all worked itself out for the best. Long story short, right after I came out, I fell for one of my best friends. Hard. He didn't feel the same way about me. I let my feelings run away with me and, very recently, I was forced to get them under control and deal with them. I have learned and am learning that is a hard thing to do but it is doable. I am very fortunate in that I have the very best friends a guy could ever hope to have, thankfully, which still includes the friend that I fell for. My friends have listened to me and held me when I cried. Growth can be a difficult thing, but it is worth it. The fact that I can write that last sentence says a whole hell of a lot considering where I have just come from. So...I am back ... with a vengeance.

Farewell to a Great Lady...

2007-09-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

Jane Wyman
1917-2007

It's Labor Day, Bitches!

2007-08-31T12:55:00.000-07:00

The King of Useless Information is back. Have you ever wondered about the history of Labor Day. God, I sure haven't. I don't look a gift horse in the mouth. All I care about is I don't have to go to my soul-sucking job for a day. But for all you inquiring minds who want to know...from Wikepedia:

Labor Day is has been celebrated on the first Monday in September in the United States since the 1880s. The form that the observance and celebration of Labor Day should take were outlined in the first proposal of the holiday — a street parade to exhibit to the public "the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations" of the community, followed by a festival for the recreation and amusement of the workers and their families. This became the pattern for the celebrations of Labor Day. Speeches by prominent men and women were introduced later, as more emphasis was placed upon the economic and civic significance of the holiday. Still later, by a resolution of the American Federation of Labor convention of 1909, the Sunday preceding Labor Day was adopted as Labor Sunday and dedicated to the spiritual and educational aspects of the labor movement.

And there you have it. Everyone enjoy the weekend and have a safe holiday...

The King of Useless Information

2007-08-27T14:12:00.000-07:00

Last night I was told by one of my surly friends that I know way too much useless information. I know more...

Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented.

It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"....and thus the word GOLF
entered into the English language.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and
Wilma Flintstone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coca-Cola was originally green.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ( now get this...)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

> > >> Spades - King David

> > >> Hearts - Charlemagne

> > >> Clubs -Alexander, the Great

> > >> Diamonds - Julius Caesar

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the
air,

the person died in battle.

If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of

wounds received in battle.

If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died

of natural causes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th,

John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Most boat owners name their boats.

What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousand

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
printers all have in common?

A. All invented by women.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When
you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to
sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month
after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all
the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was
lunar based, this period was called the honey month...which we know today as
the honeymoon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts.. So in old England,
when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints
and quarts, and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and
Q's."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim,
or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the
whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by
this practice.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

Beware! Blogger Messed Up...

2007-08-24T13:49:00.001-07:00

I just posted, but for some reason Blogger put it further down in the posts. Scroll below to Might As Well Be Sex and the City...

Here's to You, New York, New York....

2007-08-21T11:46:00.000-07:00

Well peeps, I just spent the most fabulous weekend in New York and all I can say is WOW. Is is possible to fall in love with a city? It must be because I cherish every moment I am able to spend in the Big Apple. I went up for a friend's 40th birthday. All of us live in luuuuuuuvley Memphis and decided to make a long weekend of it. One thing that made this weekend really nice was that we had no plans. Now those of you that know me know that I am the ULTIMATE planner. (Some haters have slandered me as a control freak, but I think they're jealous of my superior organizational skills.) I must say however, it was really nice not to know where we were going or what was going to happen. Spontaniety, people - taht's what I'm all about. We spent a lot of time wandering SoHo and Greenwich Village, just looking around. My friends spent tons of money. Me being the poor red-headed stepchild that I am, was unable to purchase several shirts at a hundred bucks a pop. But that's ok. The Village was especially fun as I had not spent much time there at all and got to see a completely different side of the city. One night we went to have drinks at the Oriental Mandarian Hotel in the Time Warner Center. This is the most expensive hotel in the city. Rooms start at $2500.00 a night (or so I'm told). The kicker is that the lobby is on the 35th floor overlooking Central Park and Central Park South. One of the best money shots in the city. We had quite expensive cocktails and some h'or doerves that we didn't order. But it was spectacular to see the city go from dusk to darkness. Two completely different views, each one awe inspiring.

However, it was two other things that really made this trip stand out. One was that we went to Tony and Tina's Wedding. Now, I don't know how many of you have been to this - but let me just say it is a HOOT. It's an off-Broadway show that is more interactive than just a show you go and watch. You are actual guests at this wedding party and reception. It is My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets the Sopranos. Compeletely over the top. They feed you dinner, wedding cake and champagne. And as the evening wears on, the "family" drinks more and the reception disintergrates. Fights start. One girl starts stripping. They will come to your table and gossip with you about the other family members. I especially enjoyed it when the absolutely burning hot gay brother of the bride came and danced with me. Apparently, this show has been around for 20 years, but I had never heard of it. Also, I am told it travels - so if it comes to your city, most definately go see it. If you allow yourself to really get into it you will have more fun than you can shake a stick at.

The other thing that really stands out is that my 40 year old friend and I frequented a few gay bars. And I made a friend. A firefighter from Queens. How sexy is that I ask you. And I will tell you -- very.

My weekend was WAYYYYYYY too short. But the city was perfection and the company I kept was priceless. I will soon post some of my photos up and soon as I (the non-computer geek) can figure out how to do so...In the meantine, yall will have to settle for these...

A GREAT BIG THANK YOU

2007-08-14T09:39:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to take a minute and say thank you and how much I appreciate all the kind responses to my post about my poor choices in picking men as of late (see "Where Have All the Good Men Gone?"). It's people like you that make me really glad I finally came out...

What A Weekend!

2007-08-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

One of my dearest friends had his 40th birthday this past Friday night. Wow. I don't think I still have fully recovered. We started off by going to his parents house for grilled hamburgers. A lot of his friends were there. Perfectly lovey time. We then went to a bar called Barbie's to sing karaoke (I'm not sure how that's spelled). Barbie's is housed in what was in another lifetime a Pizza Hut. Now it is located in a less than savory part of town (but considering this is Memphis, the entire city has become less than savory). In short, we had a BLAST! You cannot get me drunk enough to sing karaoke, but it is such a hoot to watch others do it. I remember looking around at the people there thinking that I hope my 40th birthday is just as special and thinking what a lucky bastard he is to have such good friends. After everyone went home, I being the good designated driver and friend that I am, took my friend around on the Memphis Gay Bar Tour. We had a lot of fun and closed down the last bar at 3 am. I am very thankful that I got to spend that quality time with him. I was thankful for that up until I had to go work at my part-time job Saturday and attempt to function with literally no sleep.

This will probably be my last post this week as we are headed to New York City on Thursday. To me NYC is like crack. I just can't get enough of it (Please don't take from that that I take crack - just an expression). I can't wait. With my job being as awful as it is, I have to get away every so often and this time I'm really feeling it bad. So glad to be getting out of Memphis. I will post again next week about what all we did. I imagine it will entail a lot of drinking...I wonder if I should go ahead and make my reservations at Betty Ford...

Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

2007-08-07T07:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I had a most interesting evening, last night. As a few of you are aware, I went out on my first bona-fide, real-live date with a man about three weeks ago now. It was perfectly lovely and I had a lovely time. I should have known then that something was very wrong. I had been trying to get together with said individual for a couple of weeks now with little success. There was always some reason or the other that he couldn't (read: wouldn't) want to see me. We were supposed to get together last night but he cancelled on me. Did he call and cancel, he asks? Nooooo -- that would have been the proper thing to do. No - I call him for directions and then he says he can't meet me but that we can do it the next night when I'm free. Ummmm Hummmm.....

Since I was unceremoniously ditched, I decided to take my pity party to the local gay watering hole. It was there that I bumped into an individual (not the date guy -- someone different) that I had met last Friday night at another establishment of ill-repute. Suffice to say that when I met this guy last week he was so drunk that it was amazing he could stand up. He became quite amorous with myself and my friend at the same time. Not a problem for me. It is what it is (or was, in this case). Back to the bar last night -- he comes in and barely remembers me, and does not remember my friend at all. I'm thinking, yeah - he was pretty polluted. He chats and has a couple of beers and leaves. The dude sitting next to me is a bartender at another bar and knows pretty much everybody. He asked what line this guy was feeding me. I said he wasn't giving me a line and told the story about him being drunk last Friday night. Dude said he wasn't drunk, that he was high on pills. Good Lord. It made sense. Glazed look, didn't smell alcohol. My friend said he thought I knew about this guy. Of course I didn't ... being recently out and all, I don't know all the dish on everyone. I'm still green as grass.

So, my friend asks me why I'm out and about during the week, as is usually not normal behavior for me. I said I had been stood up. By who? Didn't want to say as he is probably known. I said. My friend came off the barstool. "You need to stay the HELL away from him!!!" My God, why? Apparently, he has some pretty bad non-legal pharmaceutical issues that have plagued him for some time. I believe the phrase was "chemically unpure". I was told there is only one bar in town that will let him in anymore. I was told to run for my life and that I have realllllllly bad taste in men. Well, no shit, Sherlock. Dude then calls the bartender over to verify his story. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the worst) how bad was date guy? 15, and he didn't even blink. My friend purchased me a liquid hug and said I was growing up. Which brings me to the point here...I said I just went out with him because he was pretty to which dude replied, "He is pretty...pretty fucked up... and you're pretty too... pretty naive". Point well taken. Thank God I had an angel looking over my shoulder last night that saved me a whole lotta trouble.

But I got to thinking, the only reason I was attracted to both guys in the first place is because of their looks. Which is common. I mean, why are we attracted to anyone. Initially, it is their looks that hook us at the word go and we discover who they really are after that. I found out who these guys were and I don't want any part of that crap. But that kind of makes me gun shy at this point. I seem to have found two real winners in a row. Is this all I have to look forward to during my journey through queerdom? Is there anybody out there with substance and not a substance abuse problem? I have been told the gay community is as shallow as a frying pan, but I honestly thought that I could maneuver it better than this and at least recognize people for what they are. Or at least I thought so. Is this sort of thing going to happen over and over or is there someone out there that might somehow, possibly be good for me? I think I would just settle for an arranged marriage...Anyone got a hot man you're looking to marry off??

Might as well be Sex and the City...

2007-08-07T06:53:00.000-07:00

Book report time again, bitches. I tell you, I just got finished reading one of the most fun books I have read in a long, long time. Tales of the City by Armisted Maupin. I realize that I may be the last living person on the face of the earth to read this book. It was written in 1978 as a serial in whatever the San Fransisco paper is and has spawned 6 sequels. The story centers around a young woman vacationing in SF and, on the spur of the moment, decides to move there. She rents a room from a woman who is a landlady in an apartment building. What follows is pure literary magic.

The chapters are very short, only a couple of pages each, and the entire book is mostly dialog driven. If you're looking for long epic prose, this ain't it, babycakes. But, it is very readable and a very quick read. I will admit it took me about halfway through the book to get hooked, but once it happened, I could not put it down. I would read it at breakfast, on my lunch hour and in bed at night (on those few nights when no one else was joining me -- wink, wink). There are a lot of characters who are very diverse in their backgrounds (gay, straight, inter-racial) but are all connected. And it will blow you away how the connections are made. There are a couple of gut-punch moments that will almost take your breath away. Of course, now I have had to run out and get the first of the sequels, entitled imaginatively enough More Tales of the City, closely followed by ... wait for it ... Further Tales of the City.

Don't let the titles fool you. They are really fun, light summer reads. It is kind of like a time capsule, as the setting is the late 1970's SF before cell phones and fax machines and all our technological shit that was supposed to make our life better, but has somehow managed to complicate it more. But you do kind of forget that the setting isn't the present. There is a lot of sex (not graphic) and rampant drug use, which we all know has absolutely no correlation in the gay community at all. This was pre-AIDS time; however, I believe some of the subsequent books deal with some of the characters becoming positive.

Having done a little research on the book and the author, I was amazed to discover how popular this book has become over the last 30 years. Back in the early 80s, PBS aired a mini-series of the book that apparently was highly controversial at the time as it was the first time that two homosexuals were shown kissing on television. From what I read about the mini-series, it was critically acclaimed and popular as well. It is now in my Netflix queue. If you are looking for something to read and are one of those people like me who have been living under a rock and haven't read it, give it a try. I think it will be a fun and rewarding read. Now, I wish I could read it at work...

It's Friday, Beyotches!

2007-08-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

A Weighty Observation...

2007-08-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

Ok -- This post is at the request of a friend of mine (same friend who likes to tell me what to write about). At first, I poo-pooed the idea, as I generally do her suggestions. But the more I got to thinking, the more I decided I have might have something to say after all.

Today, the cast of characters involves three people: myself, and two of my best friends (hereafter referred to as #1 and #2). As most of my faithful (few) readers will recall, I have subjected myself to the trials and tribulations of a diet. Have been for three weeks. And I have done quite well, thank you. I have been ardently practising the finer tenets of the Suzanne Somers diet plan. I have yet to weigh myself, and don't really plan on doing so in the near future. What I can say is that my clothes feel remarkably looser and my face (angelic thing that it is), my legs and arms have defiantly got smaller. The torso area is the last to go, but praise sweet Jesus, its getting there too. However, I still feel like a lard-ass and will until I loose approximately another 15-20 pounds. But, I have a realistic perspective on the situation and realize that the weight did not appear overnight, and, by God, it ain't going away overnight. I choose perseverance.

Friend #2 exercises like a fiend. He runs around in endless circles and generally takes care of himself...excessive drinking, notwithstanding. And he has the body to show for it (cute to boot, too). Plus, he has benefited from a fortunate spin of the ol' genetic wheel.

Which brings us to friend #1. My problem child. This one recently came to the conclusion that perhaps she might need to shed a few pounds. Problem is, she hasn't figured out how to do it effortlessly. Sweet child, it wont be effortless, but what we should be concerned with here is the concept of self-discipline. I shit you not...I actually got the question from her, "What do I do at work when the donuts come around?" Well, gee...how bout just say NO THANK YOU!! (God Almighty) As I have told her, ad nauseum, I am much more concerned with her health than her looks. And the thing is, she can do this. She has done it before with remarkable success. And she can do it again if she sets her mind to it.

Which brings me to the larger issue here. Everyone knows we have a weight problem in this country. I don't have the exact obesity statistics on hand at present, but suffice to say, it's a honkin' lot. We're talking epidemic levels here. This of course, is not news to anyone, but lest there is someone living under a rock somewhere, just open your eyes and look around. Add to that that we have a society that deifies the thin to the point of eating disorders. As an aside, I was watching a television show awhile back and a little girl asked her grandma what anorexia was. Her grandmother replied, "its a disease little girls catch from reading too many magazines." I LOVE it.

I guess my point in all this is that we all need to possess a semblance of personal responsibility and self-discipline in our lives. Not just in the area of weight, but throughout our entire lives. I would rather see a person with an otherwise imperfect body make a good-hearted effort to get in and stay in optimal health rather than going off the deep end attempting having the "perfect" body that even if attained, will not and cannot satisfy. I know I'm not getting any younger, but personally, I would rather have another healthy 40 years ahead of me although I know that decision is ultimately in the hands of the good Lord above. But I'm certainly going to try my damnedest to do my part.

As food for thought (perhaps those aren't the right words) I submit for your inspiration some delicious eye-candy (well, hell -- can't go with eye-CANDY, either). Here -- just look and lust.

Is 40 the new 20?

2007-07-18T14:24:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine and I were talking the other day and she suggested that I might want to comment on the topic of our conversation. We, my friend and I, have noticed as of late that almost all of our friends, as they either reach or approach the age of 40, become...whats the clinical term for it...oh, yeah...crazy. For those of you that know all of us, this past year is living proof. And the worst part of it is, I'm not immune either. It makes me wonder if, since we are all about the same age, if this is not a result of the onset of a mid-life crisis? Think about it...if an average life span reaches into the 80s, then we have either hit or are hitting (not the bottle) -- mid-life. So this makes some sense.

According to Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, a mid-life crisis can be defined as...an emotional state of doubt and anxiety in which a person becomes uncomfortable with the realization that life is halfway over. It commonly involves reflection on what the individual has done with his or her life up to that point, often with feelings that not enough was accomplished. The individuals experiencing such may feel boredom with their lives, jobs, or their partners, and may feel a strong desire to make changes in these areas. The condition is most common ranging from the ages of 35-50 (a large study in the 1990s found that the average age at onset of a self-described "mid-life crisis" was 46). Mid life crises last about 3-10 years in men and 2-5 years in women, but length may vary in some people.

During middle age, many changing factors can affect personality development. These factors include:

-- work/career
-- marriage/spousal relationships
-- maturation of children
-- aging/death of parents
-- physical changes associated with aging

Certain characteristics displayed by individuals experiencing a mid-life crisis often include but are not limited to:

-- search of an undefined dream or goal
-- desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
-- acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as clothing, sports cars, jewelery, gadgets, etc.
-- paying extra special attention to physical appearance
-- need to spend more time alone or with certain peers
-- a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
-- an underlying desire to initiate new sexual partnerships

Symptoms can include

-- abuse of alcohol
-- conspicuous consumption
-- others similar to depression.

-----------

Far from being solely a gay issue (apparently, it hits "the others" too), I basically have just us homos to observe on this one, since that is who I hang out with for the most part. Let's start with me. Wait...let's not and say we did. Suffice to say, that as I am racing toward the big 4-0, my life has been turned upside down this past year with the frequency of a snow globe. In addition, I have watched close friends get out of long-term relationships, start brand-new ones, search to find themselves, and rethink their entire lives. (Apparently, this from people who have led quiet, seemingly normal lives). But if you think about it, not all of this is a bad thing. Perhaps it's a good time in our lives to examine where we've been, where we're going and make any changes while we still have the time to do something about it. But is all this a really a sign of a mid-life crisis? I suspect it has more to do with simply growing up. As I have told my friend several times before, (generally you will find if it comes out of my mouth, it is correct) our generation (the first wave of Generation X) is the first one not to have a war that we would have to go fight in our late teens and early 20s. Our parents and grandparents had Vietnam and WWII and were forced to "grow up" at a very early age. Our generation was different. We went to college because we were expected to. Speaking solely for myself, I was nothing but a kid when I was in college (best 7 1/2 years of my life). Granted, during and after college, we learn the mechanics of growing up. We learn to pay bills on time, to have the responsibility of having a house, and the pleasure "ahem" of the "real" job. (SIDE NOTE: I'm not talking about married folk here as they are a category unto themselves what with the sticky, stinky rug rats and all).

In this day and age, there has not been anything to force single or otherwise unattached people from actually "growing up" emotionally. How many unattached people do you know that spent their late 20s and early 30s and beyond holding down a full-time professional job while still partying and clubbing most nights like it was 1999? Which is why, in my humble opinion, what I see happening may not necessarily have to do with the onset of the crisis.

I know for me, I'm a late bloomer in just about every way humanly possible. (Plus, I seem to get better looking as I get older, but I digress). I think it has been relatively recently that I have been able to discover who I really am, not what everyone expects me to be. For most of my life, due to circumstances too lengthy to tackle here, I did not practice the art of introspection enough. I was afraid to ask the really important questions that, if faced with honesty, will usher one into adulthood and the realization of what we really want out of life. Why is this, I wonder?

So, have my ramblings confused and confounded everyone? Good -- then my work here is done. I would like to hear your thoughts on the subject. I know I have one sexy Yankee reader out there who is an older fart than I am. Come on, Dave -- weigh in. I need a geriatric opinion.

Damn Sobriety, Week Two...

2007-07-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

and no one has died...yet. Actually, I feel a whole lot better and have indeed lost some weight. I decided to follow the Suzanne Sommers diet (it really works, I've done it before) It hasn't really kicked in yet, but it should sometime this week.

On a more personal note, I had a date this weekend with a real live man. This was my first date as an out gay man and my must say, it was very nice. We went to a local Thai restaurant and had dinner underneath a Japanese maple while listening to jazz. Perfect evening. Could not have been better. We had a cold front come through and the temperature was in the low 70's and NO HUMIDITY which is UNHEARD of in Memphis this time of year.

I know it sounds old fashioned, but hew as a perfect gentleman (a true Southern quality). He told me that I am someone who he would like to get to know better. It really meant a lot to hear that. He said it was the perfect first date - very romantic. And, he ain't hard on the eye. Beautiful eyes and a smile that makes me melt (not like this guy pictured here, but damn close). I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes. At this point, I have no expectations other than to have fun and get to know him better. All of this is still so new to me. Still feel like I haven't got my sea legs yet. However, it does wonders to the self-esteem when someone wants to be with you... More updates to come...

One Week of Sobriety

2007-07-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

...and I'm still here. I'm as surprised as anyone else...I thought surely by now I would have imploded or committed some heinous hate crime against society, but alas, no. I even went to a few bars this weekend with a couple of friends, and while they drank like the fish they are, I abstained from the sauce and drank water like a good boy that I'm not. And I even played designated driver. That alone should earn me a spot in heaven. Of course all this wasn't easy, mind you. Gracious, no. The only bright spot in all of this is the potential weight loss. Actually, I have already lost a few pounds. It is AMAZING how quickly it comes off if you quit drinking. Before I went on this diet, I need that t-shirt that says "I beat anorexia". However, I am pleased with my self-discipline and am rewarding myself with new clothes -- A SIZE SMALLER. Unless I fall off the wagon, I should be looking like this fella here hopefully in a few weeks (sigh)

Field Sobriety

2007-07-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

Well peeps, a couple of days ago, I got the dreaded call from my doctor. I had a checkup a couple of weeks prior and had a lot of routine bloodwork done. Since I have not been eating nicely, I assumed my cholesterol was up (which is a concern for me since I have heart issues -- the issue being I don't have one). Cholesterol was just fine (160 -- yea, me). Then they said my liver elevations were up. I had to wonder, what does this mean. They told me what it meant. NO ALCOHOL for three MONTHS and they would check it then. I think I was screaming in the phone "AT ALL?!?!?" The nurse had the audacity to LAUGH at me as she said yes. I said I might as well jump off a damn building since it will be about as enjoyable. Problem is, the cholesterol medicine has elevated the enzyme level and my "moderate"...ahem, enjoyment of the sauces seems to be taxing my liver. So now I have to go cold turkey for a little while. Not, I repeat, not happy. I do admit that the one mimosa, 2 screwdrivers at lunch and the five glasses of wine at dinner might have been a touch excessive, but things have been so stressful lately. But, I suppose I will have to do it. I made it one day successfully, 91 to go, but who's counting. On the other hand, I will loose weight and be especially pretty for all the boys out there...

On a happier note - I just got a plane ticket to New York to celebrate a dear friends 40th birthday (that's SO old). Absolutely CANNOT wait to go. New York is one of my true loves (although an expensive mistress) and I can't stand to be separated. Post more later...

Keith

2007-07-04T18:09:00.001-07:00

For my dear friend Marshall...enjoy.

Happy Independence Day

2007-07-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

The Power of 10

2007-06-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

Well I have never really done one of these before and I saw it on a fellow blogger's site and thought it would be interesting. I shamelessly lifted it from Mike's blog, Random Thoughts. (Give it a read -- its good. Look for it on my list of links). Here goes...

10 random things about you

1. I am bald, but very sexy.
2. I LOVE classical jazz.
3. I am not upset at the prospect of turning 40.
4. I have been in a bank while it was being robbed, both times in the same month.
5. I had a heart attack at age 25.
6. I do not have cable TV.
7. I am an only child (and not spoiled).
8. I am a proud gun owner.
9. I can be annoying and adorable at the same time.
10. As a child I was bit on the ass by a goose (hate the damn things to this day)

10 favorite foods

1. Houston's chicken tenders
2. Houston's french fries
3. Fried okra
4. Grits (cheese or plain, don't matter)
5. Bacon (no pig is safe around me)
6. Scrambled eggs (day or night)
7. Italian spinach
8. Banana pudding (served warm, of course)
9. Fried green tomatoes
10. McDonald's sausage biscuit (sad, but very true)

10 wants

1. To be in a loving relationship
2. Compelete financial security.
3. A job with meaning and purpose.
4. To live in Florida.
5. To have an apartment in New York City
6. Access to a beach.
7. Good health
8. To express myself more artistically
9. To look hot in jeans
10. Oh yeah...and world peace

10 things you must have

1. Netflix
2. Beer/wine/liqour (in large amounts)
3. My friends near me
4. Art
5. Good books
6. My sound machine for sleeping
7. Xanax (usually in conjunction with # 2)
8. Coffee
9. Massages
10. Electric mattress pad warmer for winter

10 things you've done this year you didn't think you would

1. Came out
2. Met Joan Collins and Linda Evans
3. Deepened existing friendships
4. Gained 20 pounds
5. Started trying to loose said 20 (so I can be pretty)
6. Flirted with Paula Deen
7.
8.
9.
10.

The rest has yet to happen...

10 things you are scared of

1. Loosing those I love
2. No financial security
3. Tornados
4. Terrorism
5. Not living life to the fullest
6. Camel Crickets
7. Boredom
8. Regrets
9. Freaks
10. Rejection (especially from those I love and care about)

10 dislikes

1. Green peas
2. That hateful evil, evil bitch that lives around the block from me
3. Being cold
4. Not being in control
5. Dogs that jump on me
6. Trashy, ignorant people
7. Undisciplined children
8. The Memphis Mayor (see # 6)
9. Paris Hilton/Lindsay Lohan (again with # 6)
10. That this list is limited to only 10 things

10 things you want to do in the next year or two

1. Find a job that makes me happy (or a job that I don't hate)
2. Find a job that pays decently
3. To live a more relaxed life
4. Go on a cruise (or go cruising, whichever)
5. To find that one special man and love him completely, with all my heart
6. To get myself into better shape physically
7. To have my friends cook for me more
8. To volunteer more
9. To travel more
10. To be a better friend

10 places you want to see before you die

1. San Francisco / wine country
2. Grand Canyon
3. Shanghai, China
4. Bankok, Thailand
5. Tibetan Himalayas
6. Alaska
7. Hawaii
8. Anywhere in Australia
9. Ruins of the Incan empire in South America
10. My next house

10 hot celebrities

1. Ryan Reynolds (# 1 sigh)
2. Jeremy Piven
3. Tim McGraw (phew...dude)
4. Faith Hill
5. Jennifer Anniston
6. Dave Annable -- Brothers and Sisters (such a cutie)
7. Eva Longoria (I would switch for her)
8. Billy Currington
9. Chris Evans -- Johnny Storm, Fantastic 4 (note photo below)
10. Reichen Lehmkuhl (no explanation needed)

Going the Other Way

I'm an Old Man...

Goodbye '08...

Merry Christmas!

A Fiasco For the Ages...

MAN UPDATE

I Think I Found Someone...maybe.

Disappointed...

I'm BAAACK!!!!!!

Life is Sweet!

Much Ado About Nothing...

I'm a Pissy Bitch...

I'm A Happy Bitch...

PISSED as HELL!

I'm On My Way to Being a Skinny Bitch!!!

Hat, sir...

UnAmerican Family Association

I Am FREAKING in LOVE !!!!!!!

Memphis Hurricane Names

Did I Say That???

Simply the BEST...

My 15 Minutes...

Paula Deen Has Done Had Her Way With Me...

Foot In Mouth Disease

What Kind of Fool???

Thank You for Being a Friend...

I Wanna Be a Skinny Bitch...

Damn Cell Phone...

Happy Fourth of July !!!

Back to Memphis...

A MUCH Needed Vacation...

Take Me Out to the Ball Game...

My Top 40

Jones v. Jones

A Few Random Thoughts on Summer...

The Weekend...

Slappin' the Mess Outa Misery...

The Weekend...

2 For The Weekend...

True Confessions...

I Know, I Know...

Overthrowing the Empire...

What I Have Been Reading...

Sad About the Tigers...

GO TIGERS GO!!!!!!

Made It Back and Proudly Eating at MacDonald's...

The Boi is Coming Home...

The Bitch Has Gone A'Travelin'...

Happy Easter, Bitches...

The Phantom Date

Date Update...

Date Night...

A Turn of Good Fortune...

As My World Seems to Turn Lately...

7 Kinds of ...

The Big 39...

A Kernel of Truth...

One Big Ass Tornado

The Day After...

Even More Useless Information...

Crazy Week...

Something to think about...

Tough Time...

Kiss Off 2007

Merry Christmas to all...

More questions...

Inquiring Minds...

Holidays are here...

Aftermath of Bird Day...

Happy Bird Day

A Funny ...

The holidays are here !!!!!

Today's musing...

Up-Date

Friday night...

Boo, You Bitches...

The Bitch is Back...

Life's A Beach...

It's All About Me...

Vanity Fair