I'm an Old Man...

I realize that I have been terribly, terribly negligent in posting as of late and for that I apologize to my one (?) reader profusely... Truth is, there has not been much to write about. I mean, after the cowboy up and "died" on me, what else of interest could there be. CERTAINLY no man on the horizon after the last fiasco.



However, I am turning 40 next week. 40. Wow. I am not as disturbed by it as many of my friends have been. I look on 4 decades as an opportunity rather than a liability. I am in far better shape than I was at 30. I feel better. I feel better about myself after coming out. So I am looking forward to this next decade with optimism.



On the more immediate front... I am going to Philadelphia and New York for my birthday! I am leaving bright and early Sunday morning for Philly where I will be staying with one of my best friends for about 4 days. Not sure yet what I am going to do while he is working everyday, but since I have the car, the whole world is mine in which to find trouble. I know I want to go to the art museum for starters. And explore every gay bar in town. But that might not be eventful in the daytime as it would be at night...

Thursday of next week, I will be getting on the train to New York where another friend will be meeting me. My friend in Philly will come up that evening as he will be working all day. I loves me some New York. Not sure of everything we are going to do there, but I just know I can't wait. New York is my favorite city and I just love the feeling of being there. And its on my birthday too.



I will post pics from the trip upon my return. Who knows, maybe I will find a hot man for my 40th. Do I have any takers??? C'mon, it's my birthday peeps! C'mon CB! Your're the one! Maybe the bois can be like candles, one for every year... Now, THERE'S a thought!

Goodbye '08...

It is now the last day of the year. As I sit and write this, I honestly do not know where it went. It really seems just like yesterday when I was at my favorite hangout, Mollie Fontaine Lounge (as I will be tonite), ringing in 2008. I even remember conversations from that night. I'm not a big resolution person, so I am not going to try to make a lot of promises to myself that I wont follow thru on - though I am going to try very hard to do a few things.



First I want to be in better shape and a little thinner than I am now. I will be turning 40 in February and I am actually looking forward to it. I am in a better place in my life now than I ever have been now that I have come to grips with who I am and had some time to become comfortable with it and I am very happy about that. The other thing is I am going to try to swear off men, for I find that they are pigs and I certainly don't need one. I want to try to be happy with who I am rather than to find a man to complete me. Now don't get me wrong...things will still be taken care of. But I will not looking for a permanent man.

All that said, I hope all of you out there has the happiest of New Year's and stay SAFE!

Merry Christmas!

Thank you all for your kind words. Last week was kind of hard but I got thru it. I went out Saturday night with several of my close friends and I was the laughingstock as I figured I would be. One of my friends commented that that group is like a school of sharks...smell blood in the water and thats it. Oddly enough, they really do love me and I am thankful for that. I guess the worst of it is over.



If I don't post again before the holiday, I want to wish everyone a very happy Christmas and safe New Year. See yall in 2009!

A Fiasco For the Ages...

Hello dear readers… Have I got a story for you. First, it imperative that you read the post below this in order to get the full effect. As you know, I met someone and was cautiously optimistic about the whole thing. Well… to fill in the gaps… about a week after meeting dude, we decided he was to come into town to visit me (he lives in Tupelo, MS). That weekend I did not hear anything at all – nothing – he just did not show. I called and called and got no answer. I left numerous messages and finally decided that I had been unceremoniously dumped. Come Monday of the next week, I sent him a somewhat nasty email saying that if he didn’t want to come see me he could have just said so – that I was a big boy, I can deal with it. I get an email right back saying that his mother died (I knew she had a heart attack the previous week) and that he texted me. Well hell. I don’t have texting on my phone. I felt like dirt. He said he did not want to miss the opportunity to get to know me.

So we talk on the phone and chat quite a bit for the next two weeks. His brothers from Chicago apparently came down for the funeral and expressed their desire to contest the will if they didn’t get enough. The will was read and they did not get anywhere close to what they wanted and proceeded to contest. They all went to court (which I thought was real quick, but it’s a small town so I figured things moved faster). Anyhoo – they went to court and the judge ruled that everything must be sold and split 3 ways amongst the brothers against the mother’s wishes. My guy told his brothers off on the courthouse steps and said he never wanted to see them again. We talked quite a bit after that and he said he couldn’t wait to come to Memphis and just hold me. (TOTALLY falling for this guy). I knew he had been thru a lot. So the plan was this past weekend he was to come to Memphis and stay at a hotel here. This was to be purely for discretionary purposes as he would actually be staying with me for most of the weekend. Also, I work a part-time job I could not get away from. I had the whole weekend planned out – where we were going to eat and what clubs were going to – all that. So Friday morning I get this call at 9:15 am saying he is on his way, just leaving Tupelo and that he plans to go to one of our God-awful malls and shop and get to the hotel around 1. I was going to take off at 2 and go directly to his hotel (for what I have concluded was the best sex of my entire life). I call at 2 and get no answer. I figure he is not in from shopping. Still no answer an hour later. And the next hour and the next. So I call the hotel figuring that he just went to sleep or something. He had not checked in nor was there a reservation in his name.



I was devastated. He simply NEVER showed. I had fallen for this guy only to be stood up. Now I will say I have the BEST friends in the WORLD as they took care of me all weekend. I cried, plotted revenge, etc, etc… My friends forbade me from every contacting Dickweed again.

So I make it thru the weekend – still no word from him. In the back of my mind, I had this notion that I would hear something from him and he would have an excuse. This past Tuesday, I got an email from him. Rather than attempting to describe what was said, I simply copied it and submit it for your consideration.



Please read:

To Whom it may concern,

I am emailing my uncles friends on line.. He was in a car accident on Friday in memphis. which later he died from the injuries he substained in the accident..
We will miss him and he always said to me that if anything would happen to him I was to send his friends this email..
He touched so many lives..
We know that he's with his mother which we lost her 2 weeks ago..

God Bless .........



Keep in mind that this is uncorrected – this is exactly what he wrote. HE TRIED TO FAKE HIS OWN DEATH!!!! WTF!!?!?!?!? After having read so many of his emails, this is UNMISTAKABLY him. Does he really think that I am this STUPID to read this and believe that he is dead??? NO ONE writes something like this. If I hadn’t fallen for the Dickweed, this would have actually been funny. Why could’nt he have said that he just didn’t want to come see me. I’m a big boy – I could have handled it…



To continue… he had sent me a picture in which he named the jpg attachment. A friend googled this and discovered him on several gay sex cites. I White-paged him and he does not live in Tupelo. The sex cite gels with what I found out. He has a partner and LOVES to play. He may even be something of a hustler that preys on people. And here I was falling for him. WOW. I sure can pick them. So not only am I hurting, but I have to be humiliated to my friends who cannot say anything more sympathetic than I finally bored someone to death. Another friend said that I must be pretty bad if someone has to fake their own death to avoid spending the weekend with me. They all think it is funny – I do not. It is horrible to trust someone and have them shit on you. I guess I will never learn. I think I have finally decided to just stick to sex. It is simply much easier. I should have never thought I could have acutally found someone. I just don't believe it is possible.

MAN UPDATE

Just enough time for a quick update. The Boy is coming in town for the weekend and in short, I am smitten. Don't ask for rhyme or reason. There aint none here. I am falling for this one and it scares me to death. I have not totally fallen as I don't really know him and that would be stupid. But I have fallen head over heels in like. Or is it lust? Hmmmmm...... I am very much looking forward to getting to know him. His mother just died, so that precluded any trip to the great crime-ridden city of Memphis this past weekend. I will know more after this weekend. To think that this time last year I was crying over my best friend (for whom I had also fallen at the time) because he was moving to this. WOW! I would have laughed between my sniffles if you had said this would have happened.



Now - I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I tend to be something of a freak magnet. There has got to be a freak in there somewhere. There has to be. Otherwise why would he be attracted to me. A good friend has offered to "vet" my dates for me. So the Boy will summarily be sacrificed for the greater good (mine). I just all of a sudden "see" someone I simply must talk to and off I go and he will get the gentle yet probing third degree. If David can't draw it out of him it must not be there. I will know more this weekend... I will keep you posted. And if you believe in any sort of deity -- please pray this one works out...

I Think I Found Someone...maybe.

Yes, dear readers, you read it right. After the last boy that I thought was great just left me out in the cold, I swore off men. Just like that. I was thru. Until Friday. I was at my local watering hole, the aptly named Pumping Station, when I met this guy. He was on his way out as I was coming in. I found a couple of friends and spoke to them and we made eye contact (and let me just say he is very easy on the eyes). He walked out back to the patio and I went right behind him. He later told me that he wanted to see if I was interested too and if I didn't walk to the patio, that he was out of there. Well I did and I am very glad that I did.



The boy lives in Tupelo, Mississippi, which for those of you un-Southern individuals, is a little town almost 2 hours south of Memphis in the middle of nowhere -- I mean, Mississippi. We have chatted quite a bit on the phone and emailed as well and so far, I really like what I know. Of course, I don't really know him after just meeting him, but I am really looking forward to finding out who he is.

Now don't get me wrong. I have learned numerous lessons from my freak-dating in the recent past. As I wait for the other shoe to fall, I am going to have this one stamped and verified. I want to know if he has a criminal record and, after Mr. Non-Neurosurgen this summer, I want to see tax records (or at the very least a W-2) as proof of employment. I wish there was a way I could determine if there are any psychological issues...hmmmmmmm.



I don't want to jinx it, but I am a freak-magnet. But I do think it is odd that the right after I swear off men that this one comes along. So far, he has pushed all the right buttons - and that is something that none of the others that I have gone out with have managed to do. We shall see what we shall see. Wish me luck and I will keep you posted...

Disappointed...

I am officially disgusted with the creature called the gay man. The short version. I had kinda sorta been seeing this guy as of late. I'm really into this guy. I even dared to believe he might be ... (gasp)... different. Well, he's NOT. We had been seeing each other for about a month and a half. We would hang out and he liked to make out like a fiend in the car or pretty much anywhere else. So I go off to Florida on my little vacation and I call him when I get there. No response that week at all. Then when I return to Memphis, I call to let him know I got back. Still no response. I email asking what is up. He emails me back saying that he has been busy yada, yada, yada and that I did nothing wrong, its just him (bleck). Two of my good friends said to simply walk away. I showed the email to a third friend and she said that he just wasn't that into me. Well, okey dokey. I wish he had let me know that before spending a month and a half with me and making out with me every chance he got.



I saw him this past weekend at Mollie Fontaine's and he came up to me and hugged me and asked how I was. I said fine and walked off. Now comes the interesting part. I have discovered that he is FaceBook friends with another guy I know. So I asked my friend how he knows dude and he denies knowing him. Hmmm... Ok. My feeling is since they are friends on FaceBook, someone had to initiate the be-friending and someone had to accept. Two actions - not an accident. So I ask the other guy how he knew him and he, also, denied knowing him. Two denials. YET THEY ARE FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK. I have this gut feeling that they went "bump" in the night one time and are both trying to forget it ever happened OR they still see each other occasionally. At least be honest about it.



I swear I have gotten to the point where I trust no one. No one is what they appear. I think I will just stick to sex. It's easier. Speaking of...I want these boys... now. Ok, dear readers - what is your opinion of the situation?