Friday, June 22, 2007

The Velvet Rage

A friend of mine recently commented that she thought my comments and conversations about being gay indicated that my sexuality was becoming my whole identity. I couldn't disagree more. I have always held the belief that sexuality is a facet of one's life - not one's complete self-being - nor should it be. My position is that living as an out individual (as much as I can)I am eager to learn more about this aspect of life in which I find myself. To this end, I have been reading as much as I can on the subject.

I just finished The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World by Alan Downs, PhD. I have found this to be perhaps the most helpful and profound book on the subject I have yet to read. From a psychological standpoint, Downs examines the shame and pain that permeate the lives of gay men and the destructive patterns and choices that gay men often make. He states "Yes, we have more sexual partners in a lifetime than other groups of people. At the same time, we also have among the highest rates of depression and suicide, not to mention sexually transmitted diseases. As a group, we tend to be more emotionally expressive than other men, and yet our relationships are far shorter on average than those of straight men. We have more expendable income, more expensive houses, more fashionable cars, clothes, furniture than just about any other cultural group. But are we truly happier?"



I, like the author, would submit that the answer would be a resounding NO. As Downs points out, the gay community is truly a wounded lot. In essence, young gay men have no role models in the home, no one to guide them through feelings of insecurity. They know deep down that they are different, but as young people do, they don't view that "difference" in a positive, healthy light. They come to believe that they are inherently flawed, unlovable, second-class citizens. With this incorrect thinking comes shame followed closely by anger, which, in turn, is directed inward.

The book is broken down into three stages of development for the gay man. The first stage is "Overwhelmed by Shame". Usually this stage begins in childhood. The feelings of being unloved and flawed prevent the self from developing a healthy emotional state as it would in a "normal" straight boy. Not just children -- adults can find themselves in this stage as well. The individual learns to fake being straight. Essentially, he is searching for and receiving a false rather than authentic validation that ultimately does not satisfy his need for authenticity. Inauthentic validation leads to rage. The author likens the enraged gay man unto a trapped animal - cornered, trembling, and snarling. Thus begins the downward spiral. The rage pushes people away from him, and with them goes the validation he so desperately craves. So he hides his anger in a "velvet glove" and becomes for all the world to see, the gracious friend and lover he aspires to be. Yet he remains extremely sensitive to the slightest invalidation which is met with his swift rage.

The shame stage is followed by the compensation of shame. Generally, this appears to be the longest (and for me, the most fascinating) stage of development. At this point, the gay man is usually, but not always, out. Being out does not necessarily man that one's identity crisis has been solved. Usually, far from it. The gay man will compensate for this toxic shame by becoming the very best at whatever it is that he does in order to reduce the feelings of inferiority that continue to plague him. It becomes a quest of acquisition: houses, cars, art, perfectly chiseled body, worldly sophistication, and usually numerous sexual encounters with beautiful men. Of course, these never satisfy as the validation that the gay man receives is still inauthentic. Eventually, the trappings of the success that he so desperately chased will leave him empty and unsatisfied and the vicious cycle of more, more, more, more continues.



The final stage, "Discovering Authenticity", proves to be the ultimate goal of a gay man's life. Usually this stage comes later in life, as the gay man becomes comfortable with his sexuality and learns by trial and error that all he had been striving for is empty. Only then he begins to search for real meaning, purpose, and integrity. While this is the best stage of a gay man's life, it is also the least visible. He is more likely to withdraw from the clubs and social scene because he doesn't need it to fulfill him. The ironic thing is that the contented man is enjoying life at home while his younger, conflicted counterparts who need to see and be around him will, more than likely, not get the opportunity.

I have to say, I read this book over a period of just a couple of days and was absolutely riveted. Honestly, I can say that I bumped into myself on quite a few pages. There were several "A-Ha" moments where I realized - THAT'S why I do what I do. I would tend to think that a lot of the information found in the book would be directed at middle-aged gay men, but I would think that the younger one is that reads this, the better chance he would have of saving himself a lot of heartache.

For me, the most important aspect of this book is that it advocates the mentality that gay men are NOT victims and should not assign blame to others for the situations in which they find themselves. Rather, the author encourages gay men to make active and positive choices that enhances their lives rather than bad choices that will damage their lives and ruin their self-esteem. He even provides a list of real, practical steps to becoming an authentic individual.



I know I am going my copy to one of my very best friends. I hope it opens his eyes as much as it did mine. Needless to say, this would be an excellent choice for a book club as it just screams to be discussed. I found my copy on Amazon. Last check, the price had been reduced to $8.96. It is a surprisingly easy read and, I promise, you will feel like you are listening to a warm, caring, non-judgemental friend. I can only say, do yourself a favor - read this book and take it to heart.

169 comments:

Mike said...

The book sounds really interesting, but to try and read that around parents... hmm... might be a bit difficult, but it definitely sounds like something that would interest me.

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Jonathan said...

I am curious how you came across this text? I will have to purchase a copy and read through it, it sounds interesting and insightful.

Mike said...

I just ordered my copy off of Amazon and will be reading that on the plane during my trip to Mississippi at the end of the month.

Michael in Norfolk said...

Since coming out, I have read many books on the subject of being gay and its psychological aspects. I missed this book, but suspect I will check it out. I was particularly struck by the description of finding ultimate authenticity. It took me a good while and a lot of therapy, but I think I am finally reaching that point. I have learned that so many things that society says measures a person or that will make them fulfilled are indeed empty. Feeling comfortable in our own skin and with your own sexuality is the ultimate freedom.

Bradley said...

I heard about this book some time ago, and have been meaning to look into it. Just reading your synopsis was ringing alarm bells for me.I am definitely going to buy it. Have you ever read 'Dancer From the Dance' by Andrew Holleran? I can thoroughly recommend it. It's funny, sad, beautifully written, and widely considered to be the finest piece of gay fiction of the last thirty years. It will make you wish you weere in New York in the 1970's.
Nice blog by the way. your chili assplosion story had me laughing out loud...

Anonymous said...

Seems I came late to the game, having only just found it- but just finished it today.
A lot of things hit home. I even set it down for need of reflection at some points, knowing I'd be going back again (and again).

I agree it seemed set towards the middle-age. Also not a lot of race, class or ethnicity in it, but this observation is still well on:
"the younger one is that reads this, the better chance he would have of saving himself a lot of heartache."


Highly recommended.

troy3

Anonymous said...

thank you - i enjoyed reading this.

Anonymous said...

I can't agree more! I am a psychology graduate and have never thought about some of the things this book mentions. It's very well grounded in facts and reason but is extremely easy to read and not at all boring. My gay experience was easy cos I have cool parents so I guess i didn't have as much shame to deal with but I was really skinny and the only dark skinned boy in school who didn't care about sports so I felt flawed and the ways I compensated for this were sooo similar to those in the book it was scarey. It inspired me do do my masters in psych.

Im thinking of ways in which authentic gay men, who have sucessfully dealt with their shame, can be more visible role models. Any ideas?

heyteacher@live.com

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Paul Brownsey said...

These earnest psychotherapist types who tell us we mustn't think of ourselves as victims get my goat. We ARE victims: victims of the hate that society deals out to gay people and that it even lodges inside our own heads so that we hate ourselves.

That doesn't mean that it's not sensible to try not to be eaten up by anger at one's victimhood.

Todd HellsKitchen said...

I just finished reading this book, and I found it to be profound... I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it as a "coming of age" primer to gay men of ALL ages... (And the people who love them...)

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Menaremeeting.com said...

Unsatisfied with what the "Gay" or "Straight" culture offered, Velvet Rage articulates a view that I judge many men resonate with. It offers men an opportunity to begin the "Hero's Journey" of liberation from what holds us back from living fully in our authentic masculinity.
- Blessings Alter'Nathan
www.menaremeeting.com

Phoenix316 said...

At the beginning of December, my annual journey down "the hole" (my term for my manifestation of my symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder) took an extremely deep and dark turn.

In my 50th year on the planet, in the preceding months of late May and early June, I took my first trip to Europe spending two weeks exploring France (Paris, Nice, Dinan, St. Malo, Le Mont Sainte Michel, and Rouen). I traveled alone and was based out of a studio apartment in Le Marais (Paris' gay ghetto). It was the trip of a lifetime.

So, I think my deep descent into "the hole," was exacerbated by the "highs" of the many milestones I'd achieved in my 50th year, a growing awareness of my ever nearing mortality, my father's decline into dementia and an unusually long, cold, dark and snowy winter in the northeast U.S.

So, though my search for help began with my PCP in mid-December, it took until March 10 before I was assigned a counselor. In today's session, our second, my therapist recommended this book. I, too, have read "Dancer from the Dance;" however, it doesn't seem to resonate with me today as much as "The Best Little Boy In The World" did.

So, this is a long and roundabout way of explaining my interest in "The Velvet Rage" and extending a "Thank you" for posting this thoughtful post.

Though I think I've always come from a place of authenticity (I'm also, as evidence, one of a rare sub-breed of homosexual: The Gay Singer/Songwriter), I think my current desire to remain in "the hole" (I have no interest in doing anything) stems from the starvation from a lack of validation.

Your post is most helpful to me at this time since it provides something for me to hold on to as I await my copy of the book.

Finally, I want to add that I am apparently very lucky in that I have several gay male friends who are 10, 15 and even 20 years younger than me who I apparently inspire, guide and befriend, so I am very interested to read about and explore how I - as I continue to age - can find more ways to and more men to befriend, inspire and guide.

Anonymous said...

I just read The Velvet Rage too, and I would highly recommend it to gay men everywhere. I think your blog is a great thing, but just one point - doesn't your inclusion of hyper-masculine homoerotic imagery on this page kind of contradict (or maybe even reinforce) the premise of The Velvet Rage? I don't mean to attack - it's just a thought.

Little Kiwi said...

check this out, this is what happens to grown adult gay males who never ever work on their shame issues, truly sad:

http://littlekiwilovesbauhaus.blogspot.com/2011/09/carrying-self-hatred-into-adulthood.html

Anonymous said...

I haven't read the book, but not sure right off the bat that it seems to say sex is bad, one must be a well-adjusted therapist's version of a viable person. Sex is an outlet for many alienated homos, there's no way around it. (Whale in the room! And so at middle age we're supposed to say, oh, I don't need that anymore, I can feel superior with other people who made "good choices").

Am I the only person who seems skeptical? I'd rather be Rizzo shimmying down the drainpipe at 55 than some prig who thinks he has all the answers.

Ron Williams said...

The Velvet Rage, is in your face, honestly unapologetic and clinical, but written in a friendly one on one style, I felt like I was sitting in his office and he was reading aloud to me. It’s not psycho babble, it’s a perspective of a Gay man, who happened to be a respected psychologist and a Gay man, who’s lived the subject matter.

At 67, I wish his book had been available to me when I was 50 and struggling with my “stage 2,” mid-life crisis. Through a lot of group therapy and one on one psycho therapy, I was able to feel the shame and trauma of a tumultuous childhood, emotionally unavailable mother. The Velvet Rage totally engulfed me, another great tool of self discovery, I’ll recommend to my friends.

Elizabeth said...

My son and I found each other almost 50 years after I had to give him up for adoption. He is gay, which I fully embrace, and I look forward to reading the book (recommended by a gay friend) in order to better understand my son and where he is at this point in his life. I love him and am proud of him!

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Sunney said...

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Sunney said...

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John Smid said...

I'm so surprised to find this blog. I read The Velvet Rage in January of 2012 and found it one of the most cathartic books I have read.

By the way, you don't mention who you are (that I can see) but that you are in Memphis. I'm in Memphis as well and find that interesting to find this today.

I'm dealing with leaving 24 years of an Ex-gay world (as of four years ago) and this book was tremendously helpful for me personally, but also in my evaluation of the Ex-gay culture that I have come from.

I'd love to meet you! www.gracerivers.com

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