Wednesday, September 24, 2008


It's official. I'm taking on Big Oil. Just you sit down a minute and let me tell you what happened to me. Two Monday nights ago, I was visiting my parents for dinner in Bartlett, Tennessee (a small city almost completely surrounded my the wretched city of Memphis). Anyzort, I needed to get gas for the car and my mom told me to go to Citgo (since they have the cheapest gas around) and put money on a gift card. If you do this and use the gift card at the pump, you get an additional .03 or more off the price of the gas. So she lent me her card and I hauled ass up there and put some money on her card and got gas. Then (idiot me) went back in the store and said I would like one of those cards. Dude said he couldn't just give me one - that I would have to put some money on it. I gave him a 20 and he gave me the card. I figured that since I just filled up, that I could wait till the next Monday (the 22nd) and use the card.

Well, Monday rolls around, I go to Citgo and try (note I said try) to use said card. The attendant tells me the card is empty, which is impossible since I HAVEN'T USED IT. So Dickweed tells me, very curtly, to call the manager. Poor little Dickweed... he has no idea who he is fucking with and how far I can take things. So I think there is maybe ONE chance that there was a mistake. Perhaps I have given the wrong card to my mom. I go back to their house and she pulls out her card, which she has not used. I call the 800 number on the back and it says both cards have a 0 balance. I'm good and pissed now as I have lost $20.00. I figure either they are going to refund my $20.00 or I am going to take at least $20.00 of their time and effort. So, the next day, I call the 800 number and they ... wait for it... tell me that both cards have been used previously. Again I try to explain to Dickweed's brother Dickwad that that was not possible. Dickwad said that I was given a used card!!!! I wanted to know how in FUCKING HELL it was used when I saw Dickweed pick it up off the stack and break the attachment off and run it. It was NOT a reloaded card. He maintained that it was. Dickwad said they will do some sort of "investigation" and they will get back with me in 7-10 bidness days. I am SOOOO far from being satisfied.

Then I ask for the number of the Regional Manager for Citgo, who was actually very nice. He contacted the local manager who promised to go thru all the register tapes. This was yesterday. As I am typing this - at this moment - I just got a call from the local manager. She says that she can only find one card on the tapes and nothing on the other one. I'm thinking the card didn't take when Dickweed swiped it. She claims up and down that that can't POSSIBLY be the case. AND GET THIS! She says that perhaps my mom got the card with the $20.00 on it and THREW IT AWAY BY MISTAKE. She does not know my mother. Mistakes are something my mother never makes. So as of now, I have been screwed out of my money by the big oil company. For the record, I will NEVER step foot in another Citgo in my natural lifetime. And beware... if some Dickweed or Dickwad says to put money down on a "gift" card...DON'T. The only "gift" you will get is screwed (without the benefit of lubricant). Now, I just need to relax and think about what it would be like to run my tongue all over the chests of these hot boys...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I'm On My Way to Being a Skinny Bitch!!!

I am so fucking proud of myself!!!!!!! Last night I went to exercise class and weighed myself for the first time in two weeks. Since starting the SugarBusters diet on August 11th, I have lost a total of 16 pounds!!! YAY ME!! AND it has been relatively painless. When I went to the doctor a couple of months ago, I weighed 197. That was the most I have ever weighed in my life. Now I am down to 181! I am a total fan of SugarBusters. Most of it is common sense. Essentially you can't eat anything with sugar in it as sugar is the devil. I thought that this task would be nearly impossible and if, in fact, possible then damn restrictive. Neither has proven to be true. The truth is that the things that you can't eat are very few. They essentially want you to eat foods in their pure form and not processed -- foods that are low to middle on the glycemic index. The glycemic index measures how fast foods turn into sugar once you ingest them. How fast they turn into sugar depends on the insulin release which is directly correlated to weight gain. And I would not call this a low-carb diet as I am eating bread at every meal. It was hard to find a whole grain bread that didn't have sugar as one of the top three ingredients, but I did (Nature's Own 7 Grain) -- and it was actually quite good. Of course, I did have to give up beer. Sadly, beer is what got me in the shape (so to speak) that I am in now. BUT I have been drinking wine - red and white. And since I love wine, this is not a problem. Now if the diet had said no drinking at all, I think I would have to kill myself. Like most people I know, alcohol is the glue that holds my universe together... OH -- AND I get to eat chocolate - dark chocolate which I LOVE. The book has a list of super foods that they say we are supposed to eat whenever we can. It includes things that are very beneficial in terms of fatty acids and antioxidants - mostly common sense stuff - and dark chocolate with more than 60% cocoa is one of them. So that satisfies my sweet tooth. There is NOTHING IN THE WORLD, (except sex) more satisfying than having red wine and dark chocolate together. Oh, the flavor. But I digresseth...

They are also real big on portion control. If you think about it, we Americans eat so freaking MUCH. Since I have started watching the amount of food I eat, I find that it takes less to make me feel full. And I eat several little meals all day long to keep the metabolism going (mine, in particular, is painfully slow and needs its worthless ass whipped into shape -- that sounds dirty - heehee). Add to that I have been working out at a Group Fitness program called Group Power. It is a one hour long barbell class that works each of the major muscle groups. I am actually getting thinner and gaining muscle, something I have never done in my entire life. And I cannot tell you how much better I feel, both physically and emotionally. People can tell you all day long you look like you have lost weight, but nothing compares to the feeling of going up a belt notch or buying a shirt a size down from what you normally wear. Someone should put that feeling in pill form and we would solve America's crack problem. Anyhoo -- that's the latest with me. I'll keep you posted. One of these days, I am going to look like these bois...

Friday, September 12, 2008

Hat, sir...

The funniest thing happened to me last night. I went up to my favorite gay haunt, Mollie Fontaine Lounge. I went early to visit my bartender friend at the bar and we chatted it UP and discovered that we are about to be neighbors. A really good friend of mine came in after he went to the Outflix movie (annual gay film festival here in Baghdad on the Bluff). So we were upstairs drinking and making merry when the DJ, Steve Anne, shows up to start spinning the tunes. He comes in with some guy wearing a grey fedora hat.

Charlie makes the comment that he doesn't like those hats and that he wishes people wouldn't wear them anymore, especially kids these days. I took umbrage and said I really like them. He said they were stupid looking. I asked the guy if I could see his hat for a second. There was someone right behind me so him being tall and all he just leaned over and put it on my head. I told Charlie see, hats are cool and that I can wear a hat well and that he probably could too because he has a good hat head. He pronounced it was "acceptable". I returned the hat and went back to drinking. As I was leaving, the guard was walking me to my car and said isn't that cool that Steve Anne brought in the lead singer of the B52s, Fred Schneider. Said he was wearing the funky hat. I almost shat myself. That is so like have a brush with greatness and not even know it. Le sigh...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

UnAmerican Family Association

You wanna hear something scary? Awhile back, in my Yahoo inbox, I got this "update" from the American Family Association. For those of you out there that are unaware of this insidious organization and its activities, humor me and read the following from Wikipedia

The AFA defines itself as "a Christian organization promoting the biblical ethic of decency in American society with primary emphasis on TV and other media" It pursues its views and other issues through a number of activism efforts, including boycotts, "action alert" e-mails, publications on the AFA's web sites or in the AFA Journal, broadcasts on American Family Radio, and lobbying. The legal efforts previously promoted by the AFA Center for Law and Policy were eliminated in 2007. Chief among its efforts were the recognition of Christmas in seasonal print advertisements; the criminalization of homosexuality; lobbying against same-sex marriage, and in opposition of equal-rights and hate-crime legislation that would include sexual orientation and gender identity under categories already protected and advocating censorship of print and electronic media.

The organization has an annual budget of roughly US$14 million and owns 180 American Family Radio stations in 28 states.

The AFA has boycotted multiple organizations for various reasons, most often relating to Christmas controversies, pornography, support of pro-choice activism, and support of LGBT activism, including same-sex partner employee benefits. These organizations include: 7-Eleven, Abercrombie & Fitch, American Airlines, American Girl, Blockbuster Video, Burger King, Calvin Klein, Carl's Jr., Clorox, Crest, Ford, Kmart, Kraft Foods, S. C. Johnson & Son, Movie Gallery, Microsoft, MTV, Mary Kay, NutriSystem, Old Navy, IKEA, Sears, Pampers, Procter & Gamble, Target, Tide, and Walt Disney Company.

The reason I was getting updates is because a small-minded acquaintance, whom I can't remember at the moment, sent me their "call-to-action" as it were back some time ago, assuming that I was as small-minded as they were and would act accordingly. Since I was basically unfamiliar with the organization, I did a little research and found that they essentially hate gay people. No other words for it -- plain ol hate. Lets not sugar coat it and call a spade a spade. The call-to-action was to use their site to email some company and tell them how disgusted I was that they supported same-sex benefits. Naturally, this pissed me off royally. So I did exactly what they asked me too. I pulled up, on the AFA site mind you, the link to email and proceeded to tell the company how PROUD I was of them for offering same-sex benefits and how I was NOT going to boycott them and that I do not support the AFA and its hate-filled values. I hope they actually read the email and didn't delete it when they saw it came from the AFA site. I certainly wouldn't blame them if they did, but I can't do anything about that. So I got to thinking, what better way to undermine these idiots than to use their website against them? I continue to get updates, they continue piss me off, but they also make me realize that I can do something, even on the smallest of levels - like sending an email of support - to make a change for the better.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I Am FREAKING in LOVE !!!!!!!

And that husband of hers is is soooo cute...

Not to mention that SMOKING hot hockey playing boyfriend... I could get sweaty with him NO PROBLEM. WOOF!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Memphis Hurricane Names

What with all the goings on in Gulf with Gustav and three more storms in the Atlantic, I thought it would be nice to come up with a list of next season's storms based on some names I have come across in my fine town of Memphis, Tennessee.

These names are from people I have either actually met - I. SHIT. YOU. NOT. - or have come across my desk during the course of my lowly (and I do mean low)underpaid, unfulfilling McJob (note I did not say career) somewhere deep within the bowels of the local criminal justice industry. So without further ado, I submit for your consideration next year's line-up.

A - Andrewlicious
B - Bodelfonderic
C - Colostomus
D - De'Latuara'Kisha'Brinae'Nae
E - Excellence
F - Fornicatra
G - Genetarial
H - HuggiesUltra
I - Isreel
J - Ja'LeyaShe'bre
K - Kook

L - Larcenee
M - Melromeo
N - Nimrod
O - Optimym
P - PizzaLee
Q - Queenlordajesus
R - Rickishae
S - Shatsarly
T - Tampaxia
U - Untrueness
V - Velveeta
W - Willyvonne
X - Xzalhia
Y - Yawstaire
Z - Zankiyya

Let the comments roll...

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