Friday, June 1, 2007

All The World's A Stage...

I have come to realize that blogging is perhaps not the best activity for the twisted-minded with too much time on their hands. I'm taking a detour from my otherwise deep-thoughted topics to pursue a whimsy. I know I'm going to get in trouble for this, but trouble is always delicious. And I am always open to spankings. OK - don't ask me how this came to mind, but I thought if my life were a movie for a play, what would it look like? Actually, I prefer a play, what with my artistic bent and all. Please note that I said "artistic", not "autistic". And my life certainly has enough drama to warrant the services of Mr. Aaron Spelling. The following is the cast I have secured so far:

Me -- played by Jeremy Piven (of course)
Lisa -- Bette Midler
Marshall -- Colin Farrell
Teresa -- Angelina Jolie
Whendy -- Jennifer Lopez
Lori -- Sandra Bullock
Cindie -- Susan Sarandon
Chris -- Daniel Craig (new 007)
Grant -- special guest appearance by David Hasselhoff

The plot will be loosely based on my life (in Hollywood circles, that means "not at all"). Generally it will go like this.

I, of course, will be played by the ravishingly handsome and rakish Jeremy Piven, currently of Entourage fame. It appears that Jeremy must save the world from a maniacal, evil lawyer (is there any other kind, really?) named Marshall, who has threatened Jeremy's friends with imminent arrest. The beautiful Cindie, as portrayed by Susan Sarandon, is a ruthless, extremely neat and neurotically organized clothing retailer in the vein of Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. The Daniel Craig-esque boyfriend sits around drinking beer and playing video games in the nude. Not sure how the other characters will flesh out at the moment, but at least its a start. In the climax, Jeremy confronts the evil, maniacal lawyer and a bloody fight ensues, in which Jeremy gives the lawyer a much deserved thrashing. The lawyer then begs for mercy and promises to mend his evil ways. But Jeremy being the handsome, wise sage that he is, doesn't believe a word of it and beats him some more. Next, we see Bette, fresh from cheering on the lawyer's beating, standing in her brand new, state-of-the-art kitchen, wearing a red gingham dress and holding a tray of badly burnt Texas toast. As smoke fills the room and the alarm goes off, she performs her signature hit "Wind Beneath My Wings". Jeremy socks her. Parting shot of Jeremy as he finally gives in to the advances of two very hot guys (see below) and rides off with them into the sunset. All the other characters are too busy messing with cats and dogs to notice Jeremy's happiness.

What a fun exercise in creativity. I call it exercise as you quickly get into shape running from those people who simply can't buy the "loosely based" thing. I encourage all of you to try a similar exercise on your blogs. And now, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.


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