Friday, January 4, 2008

Tough Time...

This is a hard post to write, possibly the hardest one I will ever write and will probably explain why I haven't posted in awhile. In less than a month, one of my two best friends is moving away from Memphis. Long and short of it is - I'm not having an easy time of it. At all. I debated on whether or not to post something so intensely personal, but then I thought, hell - this is my blog and writing has always proved to be cathartic. So there. Not to mention, it will be interesting to read this again in 6 months from (hopefully) a different and less painful perspective.

I'll be honest -- it is hard to write this as I am on the edge of tears even now. I can't find the words to express the thought of not being around someone I have grown to care about so much. Although I have known this person for almost 15 years, the last 6 months have been life-changing. I have come to know the kindest and most sensitive person. If you knew him, you would know that the words "kind" and "sensitive" are not the first words that come to mind. He is anxious to leave Memphis and start over. I certainly understand that for I have seen the need in my own life to get away, but I will admit here that I have been too chicken-shit to actually do anything about it. All the practical and common sense reasons point to why it is good thing for him to go -- but, God, it hurts.

On top of that, it is hard for me to tell him how much he means to me as well as to his other friends. I take that back -- it is easy for me to tell him, which I have done, but it is not so easy to get him to really understand what he means to his friends and why they truly care about him and love him so much.

So, anyway, it is not easy facing the prospect of such a good friend being gone. There will definitely be a big hole in my life that I will have to learn to deal with. And it will be hard to go to all of our favorite haunts by myself. I will go. I certainly have the confidence in myself to go, even alone and have fun, but there will be so many memories attached that I wont be able to avoid.

I am throwing a going away party for him this weekend. I figure there will be about 25 people in my tiny (and I do mean tiny) house. I hope this thing goes off well and doesn't turn into a complete disaster. I am hardly Martha Stewart. Anyhoo --sorry I haven't blogged for so long. There has been a lot going on and it has been rather distracting. Thanks for reading...


Java said...

There you are! And it's been half a week since you posted this, and I'm just now checking on you.
How did the going away party turn out? The weather has been lovely on this side of the continent (I'm in South Carolina) for the last few days. I hope that helped make the party easier, a little bit.

Are you feeling any better since you wrote this post? Has writing this helped at all? I know what you mean about writing being so cathartic. I'm spilling my guts all over my blog and it really helps my thoughts and fears to gel so I can deal with them more effectively.
I'm really sorry you hurt. I know hurt from many perspectives, and it is never fun.
If you want, if you need to, send me an email. The addy is in my blog profile. I wish you peace in this turmoil.

eliot said...

hope youre doing s little better. keep us updated babe.

J.R. said...

Man, I'm feeling for you right now. Always tough to be separated from your great friends—whether your the one moving on, or the one being left behind. If the friendship is as strong as you're describing, he's hurting too.

Hope you feel better.

Nothing Golden Stays

Bruce said...

You have to look at as a new adventure. Now you have a great new place to visit a dear old friend.

Java said...

Haven't heard from you in a while. How ya' doing?


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